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#1
Apr 14, 2006, 12:25 AM
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I am having a REALLY lousy week, and the week isn't even over yet!
I'm sick of stress. I'm sick of feeling depressed. And I am SICK of the constant never-ending thoughts to cut. I am so tempted to do it ... I don't enjoy it but if it makes me feel better even temporarily... No, I guess you could say I'm not in the best frames of mind. I was told by my ex-counsellor (shes graduating, my last session was supposed to be TWO weeks ago now) that if I wanted to SI this weekend (have thoughts to do it) that I'm supposed to call a crisis line. Yeah right. I couldn't get up the nerve to do it when I was feeling lousy to the point where I wished I was dead (I phoned in 3 times, and hung up every single time). I've tried the coping mechanisms. They aren't working. I want pain. I want to bleed. I want a REASON for feeling lousy. I think Christina is finally losing her marbles (speaking of myself in 3rd person, nice). I don't know what I'm even doing posting this. Nobody can stop me, I have to do it myself. I just don't know if I've got the energy to stop me. Must stay here emotionally, keeping myself in the moment. Blanking out is always when it happens.     I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm sorry, I just am.
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#2
Apr 14, 2006, 12:39 AM
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((((((((CHRISTINA)))))))))) Hon I am so sorry your feeling this way. I know how it is and where you are. These past few weeks have been a stuggle for me too with all the triggers and everything going on. Just know that I will do my best to be here for you should you need to talk .
Luv ya kiddo. PM me anytime ok? Hugz~ Bethy
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#3
Apr 14, 2006, 02:02 AM
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((((((((Christina))))))))))
I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I wish that I could have stayed and helped you more in chat, but I'm just at my limit for tonight. Please be safe, and let people help you. It's okay to ask fo help, and people don't mind when you ask for something specific that they can do, and you accept the help and do your part so that your situation does get better. A good friend of mine here gave me an affirmation that you can use too. "I am allowed to act in my own best self-interest." That means you are allowed to get help and you are allowed to get better, and you are allowed to say enough is enough and you can't take on more responsibilities other than your own. TC, Rap
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#4
Apr 14, 2006, 02:17 AM
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((((((((Christina))))))))))
you can do it girl! |
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#5
Apr 14, 2006, 03:22 AM
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christina, I am so sorry, it sounds so hard for you right now, and I can relate to being told to ring a crisis line but not actually being ABLE too. I guess that that is where i find this site to be invaluable, if even just to distract myself for 30 mins. Tc of yourself this w/end and use study as an excuse to distract yourself- it'll have a double +ve of extra study and a distraction!?! Just tc ok?
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I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!! |
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#6
Apr 14, 2006, 03:26 AM
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(((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))) I am sorry things are so rough right now Please try and be safe.
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#7
Apr 14, 2006, 01:36 PM
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Wow. Thank you everyone.
 I'll keep trying, but its just sometimes hard (like I'm sure you all know). Thanks for your support.
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