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  #1  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 03:41 PM
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I have no idea why I did it. I have been thinking about cutting for a while now, but I never thought I'd actually do it. And now I did it. And it's done. I have a red line across my wrist. And it's ugly. And it feels weird. It's like I crossed some kind of line and I can never go back. I told my mom about it, so at least I didn't keep it a secret. Now I have to tell my T also. I'm really scared. Maybe he'll dump me. Maybe I'm too hard to work with. Maybe I just keep messing myself up. Maybe I don't really want to get better.
All the ifs in the world, and nothing concrete in my head. Everything is spinning, way too fast. I keep getting worse and more out of control. I set some goals for myself, positive ones, so at least I have something. I hate myself, and I don't know what to think about myself anymore. I really didn't want to go this far.

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  #2  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 04:05 PM
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Girl_Interrupted Girl_Interrupted is offline
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OK, here's the thing, now that you've started cutting, don't do it on your arms or your lower legs. Do it where you can cover up, because you'll regret it, and like me, you think you have all control, but you lose it, but then you end up with 600+ scars on your legs top to bottom, stomach and arms top to bottom.

I've basically run out of room and wanting to take the razor to my face and my neck and stuff, but I know I'll regret it once more, just like I did with the body that I hide under clothes.

Your therapist won't abandon you for self-harming, they are there to help you, they are not allowed to judge you like that.
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  #3  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 04:14 PM
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I don't want to cut. I really don't and I don't know why I started. I'm just really scared. Thx for the advice though.
  #4  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 06:50 PM
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What was going on with your when you decided to cut? Where did you get the idea to cut?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #5  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 08:25 PM
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ickydog2006 ickydog2006 is offline
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I've been reading a book (shocking I know) and I've found my new motto.
"Do the next right thing" don't think about the future, the ifs, the what thens. Just focus on the current moment. Everything we do in life is a choice. Right before you make a decision ask yourself if it is the right thing. It's been really relieving for me to focus on one step at a time and is helping me to abide by the one moment at a time/one day at a time motto.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
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  #6  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
What was going on with your when you decided to cut? Where did you get the idea to cut?
I was pretty angry at someone. I realized it, but instead of doing something positive and healthy, I turned to the dark side! First I started eating, but I really wasn't hungry and I needed something else to alleviate the pain. I have a friend who's anorexic and cuts, so I got the idea from her a while back. I never did anything about it though. It was just in my toolbox, I guess. A few nights ago, I put a knife to my skin but I was too scared to do it. I took the plunge today. And now I'm a cutter.
  #7  
Old Jul 19, 2012, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lbdrox View Post
And now I'm a cutter.
Sounds like you jumped in with both feet on this?

What else could you have done while you were angry?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #8  
Old Jul 19, 2012, 09:42 PM
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[QUOTE=Sannah;2456450]Sounds like you jumped in with both feet on this?

What else could you have done while you were angry?[/QUOTE

In the past, I would have held my breath or ate. So this time I did eat, but it didn't do anything. I went shopping tonight and that calmed me down a little bit. Unfortunately, I had to spend some money to feel that happiness. I'm slightly addicted to all these things. (Just slightly!)

luv,
lbdrox
  #9  
Old Jul 20, 2012, 08:56 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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How about talking about your anger?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #10  
Old Jul 20, 2012, 02:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
How about talking about your anger?
It's very hard for me to, because I keep it all bottled up. Sometimes I can feel it and breathe it out. That's what I'm in therapy for! Also, I get angry at people a lot, and it's not always ok to tel them.
  #11  
Old Jul 20, 2012, 06:37 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I hope that you spend a lot of time working on your anger in therapy.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #12  
Old Jul 22, 2012, 03:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
I hope that you spend a lot of time working on your anger in therapy.
Haha! I'm so scared to feel my feeling that I usually end up having a panic attack or holding my breath!!! We're trying to find other ways to get into it that aren't so scary for me!

luv,
lbdrox
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