fighting it

Hello. I have been a cutter for 10 years. One time i went a whole year without cutting (year of 2011) but I guess I did not have a plan for after the year was up, cause I started cutting again. Without going into details, it has gotten way out of control. I even have felt like cutting was ok to do, and had been trying to convince my boyfriend of this. But now that it's getting worse, I know it's bad to do and have been trying to stop. I haven't been able to give my instrument up, but I haven't cut in probably 2 weeks? 1 1/2 to 2 weeks I think. Because my cuts have healed now. Usually when they all heal up, it's prime time for temptation to come back. Fresh new canvas. I have had intense urges every day and night, but I have been fighting them. It's scary to think how close I have come to doing it, but still haven't. I feel like I will never be able to stop completely. But my boyfriend has expressed concerns about my cutting, so that's what gave me motivation to stop doing it. It kinda feels good to have healed arms. It makes me feel pure and clean. Anyway, I am kinda rambling. But I think I need some good support in order to keep the progress up and continue to fight the urges. Thanks for reading this

Do you understand what is causing the urges?

the urges come when i have any emotions like anger or being upset or sad, and sometimes the urges come even after having a good day, so sometimes it is just the addiction talking

Are you working on the emotions?

Good luck in your efforts, I'm in the exact same boat! Its hard for me to find reasons to stop sometimes, but I'm lucky to have a very caring boyfriend who helps me push on, and it sounds like you do too! Cutting has always been my way of dealing with emotions, but I'm realizing there are better ways to cope.

Have you seen the post at the top of the Self Injury forum? It has a list of other things to do than self harm and I think its pretty helpful!

I wish you the best! I hope we can both push through this