Do you know how you got here?

I was just talking in another page, It's bugs me that I don't know how, or what the main reason is for why I became like this?
I didn't have a rubbish childhood and had good supportive parents, even if I don't see that at times. It's the truth.

I don't want anyone to comment with full on details.
But do you know the cause to why your sick? And do you know why you first si?

I know how you feel....I have super supporting parents who love me.... bullying is what started my cutting....

((Hugs)) I was never bullied but I can not stand bullies.
I hate them as much as I hate criminals.
I'm sorry that people made you feel worthless. You know that there the ones who feel that way.

I hope you know how special you are ((hugs))

My grandparents were great. But after granddad died and we moved yet again things got very bad for me. I ended up staying with my parents more. I started to self harm at 13-14. I was also molested at age 11. I was always afraid of my own peers after that. My parents when I moved in. With them were never around and if they were I had wished they weren't. I was very lonely. I was bullied in my younger years but in high school I kept my head down didn't talk or make friends and besides a boy the a couple time got me alone in the hall and was abusive I was never paid attention too. My parents seemed to always hate me nothing I did was right even though not much was expected. I ran. Away twice last time I didn't come back although my father being wealthy threatened to have me lock up on grounds that I had Aspergers.
I first hit myself, then the hitting turned to pills to make me sick enough I nearly died, then I self starved as punishment as a adult my husband at the time only at last took notice after social services was called. Cutting began in September of last tray after a fail suicide attempt and still goes on till this day.

I definitely understand your confusion. I also had great parents, great family, wasn't bullied. I've had it better than most people. There isn't any one cause that I can point at and say that that's the reason.

But my best guess for a cause would be some sort of abandonment issue. I've lived in a military town my whole life, but am not a military kid. So every year I lost friends, never to really hear from them again. I eventually gave up on making friends just to have them move. I really don't know how that led to it, frustration I guess?

I don't really know. I did not have the best childhood but I had a very good one that I have very fond memories of. I know that I've had an aggressive pattern of self abuse since I was a child. Something that I've talked to my parents about and they said they didn't understand why I behaved the way I did when I threw fits. I always blamed myself, and I often still do. I hear that such an act as si is that there is anger placed towards oneself, or frustration or blame.

I have gotten here partly because of my choices, but also because I haven't really known how to reach out when something was wrong. It is sometimes very hard to recognize what is wrong. Even now that I'm more better equipped to deal with myself, I don't always know HOW to ask for help or support. It is a very large road-block that sets me back time and again.

When I question my life the choices I have made I guess to have brought me here.
It's what made me think these choices were the right ones and to mess them up so badly.
My moods and self loathing is gettin on my own nerves and although I have had only one session of therepy and still waiting on diagnoses.
I want to start helping myself

I'm going to find some books that may help.

If anyone has any suggestions I would be very grateful

Not everyone has to have a rubbish life to want to feel like they have to turn to self harm, or feel depressed. It's chemicals in your brain.

Look at people with Bipolar, and a lot of people with Bipolar have fantastic, loving and supporting families and such, but they still get depressed and self harm.

I'm going to find some books that may help.

If anyone has any suggestions I would be very grateful[/QUOTE]

Maybe "Bridge Across Forever"?

I don't really know only that when I do SI is that it makes me feel better when I do.
I had a awful childhood so maybe it comes from that.