Trying to figure this one out.

No, I can't trust anyone with this. It isn't their problem. And yeah, I know other people are dealing with much worse than I do. Which makes me feel worse because they aren't reacting the way I do.

I can't go to a therapist - they'd put me in hospital. And if that happens I can kiss goodbye Dux and the Olympics.

My suicidal friend found out about my attempts. She thinks I'm getting too attached and has cut all contact. Probably for the best, but I can't say it makes me feel any better.

Why would a therapist put you in the hospital?

They'd find out about my suicide attempts. With how I'm feeling right now, they wouldn't let me run around by myself.

Most won't hospitalize you for having attempted in the past or even really thinking about suicide. They will admit you if you are actively planning an attempt. Not just thinking about maybe doing it. Planning the how, where, picking out a date, writing letters of apology to people, preparing others for the loss etc. You should really talk to an adult. You are never going to get help if your just sitting waiting for it. You need to be active in your recovery.

I realise I'm coming off like a whining brat, but talking to an adult is a no-go. Aside from showing everyone I can't deal with myself, it'll hurt them to know, and I will not hurt anyone like that. I can try recovery later, once I've achieved what I need to.

I'm not going to lie, it will hurt them, but it will hurt them a lot more if they find out because of an accident or slip up (going too deep, getting infection, etc.)

You must like being between a rock and a hard place. Get some help so that you can start being in a better place. Your parents are adults.