I'm at it again

I had been SI clean for 2 months and now I'm at again

Do you know what is causing the urges?

stress and anxiety

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. Do you know what is causing the stress? Is there anything you can do to help relax?

Hang in there 2 months is a great achievement and you will be able to do this again. Just take it one day at a time of even a moment at a time if you have to.

tSI is one of those things that can take a break for a long period of time, and then suddenly and seemingly without warning, attack again. I'm sorry it hit you again. I hope the damage wasn't too bad.

Over the years of dealing with SI myself, I used to think that there was no way to predict it. Now I know that there is. At least, for me. It may be for you too. You've already noted that stress triggers it, yet you obviously don't go after yourself every time you were stressed. You may have a kind of aura hours or even days before the event.

For me, as pressure and stress builds, I've noticed that I start to have very fleeting thoughts when I see something sharp. Things I would normally just pass by without noticing. At first, the thoughts are so short that I used to not really notice them. That would progress to a more conscious, but still short lived connection of sharp object=blood. From there it goes to picking up the object, same connection but longer, and then just before an event, putting the whole thing together. Sharp object=cutting=blood=relief of stress. It was never truly preplanned when the cut actually came. Just grab and slice. Not shallow, but down into muscle with no hesitation.

Now, if there is an object that attracts my attention, even at the first stage, I give the object to a close friend to keep. I don't know if everyone has an aura type thing such as that, but pay close attention to your thoughts and actions when you first start to feel stressed. If you can identify a feeling or thought, you might be able to interupt the progression enough to prevent the act. Its worth looking for, and if you don't have a friend that you can trust or feel comfortable telling them about your problem with SI, see if you can get into counselling, (a good idea anyway when you are in your current situation), and use the counsellor to interupt the pattern.

Even if you don't notice a pattern, its a good idea to get help. You aren't trying to commit suicide, but that doesn't mean you could accidently hit the wrong spot. You don't want to wind up losing the use of a limb, bleeding out or getting a serious infection. Besides, its not a very effective way of handling stress, and I know for myself, I could do without all the scars. I'm not judging you, I'm not in any position to do that even if I wanted to. Just concerned because I know you hurt.

Sam2

I second this question!