checking in and a ?

I haven't been on here in a while, but i feel like now's a good time. i haven't cut in over a month... but i know i will eventually, just like the past year. i go for even a few months without SI, but i snap and do it. besides i sleep with a razor between my pillows.

i have also found that the deeper the wound, the stronger and better i feel. i also feel weak if i don't draw much blood. i have became more secretive about it. i used to do it on my arms, now i do it on my stomach... then no one knows because i no longer see a school counselor. which is okay, but i wish i had someone to talk to about mental stuff...

i have been thinking, and i was wondering if anyone else feels the same.... Do you ever feel bad or melancholy when you read about people who SI more severely than you?

thanks for reading

-- Samantha

Yes, I do feel bad for saying anything.

Feel better <3

Yes, i do feel bad when i hear about other people hurting themselves worse than me. Part of me feels bad for getting help for myself, but part of me feels angry, with myself and with the person who cuts are worse. I don't know why, and i wish i didn't feel this way, but i think a lot of people feel like that.
well done for managing without SI for a month Stay strong x

Why don't you see the school counselor anymore?

You should'nt be without help, I don't cut myself but it doesn't sound like a very good thing, are you trying to kill yourself, i think i heard people who cut themselves can't feel pain in real life so they create their own? is this so? i'll have to read up on it.

thanks for the responses. i don't see a counselor because i can't afford to miss class in HS and for the most part i have been doing a lot better than last year. i also know a teacher that i can confide to when things get too rough. i am NOT trying to end my life,and i can feel pain in real life. i am also smart enough to figure out why i cut.

unfortunately i just cut this morning when i felt out of control... and now i'm worried i might keep doing it for at least a few days

I feel bad for that person, for any person that has to deal with SI, makes my heart ache.

Most of us who cut are not trying to kill ourselves, we're trying to survive. And we do feel pain, so much pain that we have no way to cope with it, so we hurt ourselves physically to *try* to make it go away.

Nomad

You can't miss classes at your HS?

Damn, I miss AT LEAST one class a day seeing my counselor and she writes me notes to get me out of everything.

I'm sorry you had to come back to this.


Nomad

well i could miss class if i saw the counselor, but i think i am doing good enough

I understand. Only you know how you feel, but if sh** hits the fan, remember to help yourself. My counselor has been a valuable member of my treatment team.

How are you now?

Nomad

I think that it would be really helpful for you to see the counselor. Were you doing better when you saw her?

well yes and no. when i first started seeing her, i didn't cut. but then about half a year later i started to cut due to feeling guilty. but honestly cutting isn't that big of an issue for me. i know i shouldn't but it's nice to have something i know can help with trials and tribulations.

even though i don't see a counselor now, i have and can talk to a former teacher about it. he seems to understand... and he never told me not to do it.so really i am waiting until things get really bad before i see a counselor.

You aren't into prevention?

Sounds like you needed to talk to the counselor about feeling guilty.

i already dealt with the guilt. and to be honest, my cutting has never and isn't bad enough to need prevention. plus i don't want to waste a counselor's time with a minor case of SI

I understand how you feel about wasting people's time. But please understand that any self harm is a very serious issue that tends to get worse, and you should never feel guilty for asking for help. You may not believe me, but you deserve the help. Could you promise us that you'll see your counselor if things get out of control?

Keep posting.
Nomad

The issues that lead to SI are not minor. You deserve the help.

i do promise that if things get too bad i will talk to counselor. i also am planning to see my teacher Tues. and i might bring up the SI if i see or email him. he already knows i have been doing it off and on for over a year. i really trust him and he has never told my parents when i talked about my SI. so i think talking to him is all the help i need.

thank you all sooo much for the kind words and support. it is really helpful to have a community to talk to.

-- Sam