[theatremom]

it's all i can think about. every time i went to the bathroom at work today, i self harmed. i can't get deep enough for complete satisfaction. i am seriously considering admitting myself to the hospital. i am terrified though because i just asked my husband for a divorce and i don't want him using it as an excuse to get custody of our son. i just can't stop feeling like this. i hate it. the only time i feel good is when i am bleeding.

[mazing]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. It seems like you are going through a lot of stress. How are you doing today?

If you are struggling I really would urge you to get help - either through your therapist if you have one or the hospital. I don't think it should sffect your custody battle too much, but either way your health is the most important thing. I can udnerstand that you want to protect your son but you need to look after yourself first.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by theatremom

it's all i can think about. every time i went to the bathroom at work today, i self harmed. i can't get deep enough for complete satisfaction. i am seriously considering admitting myself to the hospital. i am terrified though because i just asked my husband for a divorce and i don't want him using it as an excuse to get custody of our son. i just can't stop feeling like this. i hate it. the only time i feel good is when i am bleeding.

Hi. What I might say to you might not be what you want to hear, but here goes. If you are continuing to go deeper with your cutting, sooner or later it is going to be deep enough to need assistance from the ER. When that happens, the chances of you losing your children is a real possiblity. On the other hand, if you do get help, in patient if you need it, you will be making a serious attempt at making yourself a suitable parent. The odds of the mother winding up as the custodial parent is on your side.

I can't make the determination of whether or not your failing marriage is making the cutting worse, but I can't imagine that it is not. Still, can you afford to take that chance?

When we make the decision to have children, we also agree to do what is best for them. I know that you are afraid of losing them, but I want you to think of the alternative. What happens if you do finally go deep enough, or worse yet, deeper than you meant to. Do you want your children to find their mother laying in a pool of her own blood? I know that is a huge load to put on your shoulders at this time when you have other things as well, but it has to be factored in.

If you want to keep your name annonymous, call a crisis center and discuss your situation with them. Its great that you are coming here, and I hope you continue, but we don't have names and numbers of people in your area that may be able to help you decide what to do. Please get help. If not for yourself, then for your children. You don't want them to have a horrible picture in their head for the rest of their lives. You deserve care and compassion. We will support you as much as we possibly can. Let us know what you decide what you want to do.

Sam2