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#1
Feb 18, 2013, 12:24 PM
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And I'm a wreck. Lately I have been completely out of control. In the past month I have SI'd 4 times and ended up in the ER twice. The last time was Saturday. I had to get 3 stitches. The mental health caseworker thought I should be hospitalized but then his shift was over and another one came on. She finally got in touch with the psychiatrist who said I didn't need hospitalized because it was not a suicide attempt. He said it is a behavior. Anyway, I don't know how much longer I will be able to stay out of the hospital because I really am not safe with myself. However, 99.9% of the times I cut I am drunk. So the solution is don't get drunk. Luckily, I am beyond financially strapped so I can't afford to buy alcohol. Unfortunately though I have guy friends who like to take me out and get me drunk and then take advantage of me. I have no idea why I let that happen. Friday night I went out with this guy that pretty much repulses me. I knew if I got drunk we'd end up back at his place and YUCK! So, instead, I went into the bathroom to get sick and I don't even know how it happened. I grabbed a piece of metal baseboard and started slashing at my wrist. I have NEVER done this in public before. I have always kept it a private thing. I live in a small town so pretty soon everyone will know and I won't be able to show my face in public without being horribly embarrassed. Oh well, I brought it on myself and I will have to live with it.
Anyway, I guess I have already said too much so I will stop now. |
 GirlOfManyFaces
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#2
Feb 18, 2013, 11:19 PM
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 It sounds like you may have an addiction on top of SI'ing. I can't drink because each and every time I try to commit suicide. Please find a therapist you can talk to so you don't have those "Oh ****, eww" moments when waking.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#3
Feb 19, 2013, 09:53 AM
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Hi Abi, welcome to PC. I'm so sorry that you are in distress. I can support you here. Is your T helping you?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Feb 21, 2013, 12:25 PM
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If you don't have one you should definitely get a therapist. They can help you work through a lot of these things, especially why you keep letting guys take advantage of you like that and other self hatred issues.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. |
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