[ThisWayOut]

We (my wife and I) went to an orientation meeting for the big sea turtle day that is coming up next week where we volunteer. My brain warned me to sit close to an exit (or stand) but all the seats were at the back of the room far from any exits. Then I made the mistake of sitting in the middle of a crowded row... I should have known better. My anxiety kept creeping up, and at the end of the meeting it was all I could do to keep from bolting for the door... All I wanted to do while sitting there was self-harm, and the urges kept on going after we left. Luckily, my wife realized I was freaking out and followed me out. We did brief "hello's" with people we knew, but quickly kept moving to get out (the place gets super-crowded on the weekends, and they are expecting about 1000 people an hour next saturday for the event... what did I sign up for?!) I haven't had an anxiety attack that bad in over a year... I'm still shaking over it (it was 2 hours ago) and trying to re-center... I don't know if I will be able to handle the whole day there with all those people... ugh... it sounds really cool, but I'm scared of being in such a huge crowd for 6 hours straight...

[optimize990h]

Sounds like it was a difficult situation for you! ?Unintentional desensitization?

[smmath]

it's good that your wife was there for you. does she help with providing some relief during the times you get panicked? maybe for the event, you could bring a stress ball or something to keep you hands busy instead of self harming? i know that you'll get through this...and the event. its also commendable that you are volunteering...keep up the good work!

--Sam

[Sannah]

Could you have improvised to be next to the exit by moving a chair there or standing or sitting on the floor? I have some claustrophobia so I understand about crowds. I would suggest doing better self care and not putting yourself in the middle of the crowds.

[Dreamer11]

It might help to keep your hands busy with something you can fidgit with to work off some of that anxious energy. My aunt uses one of those wooden fidget puzzle keychains. I'm not sure what they're officially called. They're small, easy to travel with and something you can hold in one hand and use your fingers to play with. She let me try it out once. I have no clue what the puzzle is, but I've found that just twisting and slide the cubes around without even having to look at it can be calming. Might be worth looking into.