[puzzclar]

I so want to give in, then maybe the stress, anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, will just go away.

At the same time I want all of this life to change and go a different direction, into something I can handle. I don't want to reach out to a friend, I just can't handle seeing the concern in people's eyes, I don't want to see that. I"m freeking out and all I want to do is SI!!!! then maybe some of the feelings will decrease.

Distraction: not working
Trying to live life: Not working
I have a few minutes of sanity a day, and that's all.
I'm scared!!!

[Travelinglady]

I can sense your anxiety and perhaps even fear of losing control. I suggest you make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist as soon as you can and see if you can get back on a healthier track.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

I don't want to reach out to a friend, I just can't handle seeing the concern in people's eyes, I don't want to see that.

Why not?

[puzzclar]

I hate seeing concern in their eyes.

and honestly I don't want to say the wrong thing and end up in the behavioral unit of the hospital. If someone around me really knew what was going on, they wouldn't allow me to continue... to go through it alone. And then I would have to see it in their eyes.

[Dreamer11]

Whenever I've told people that I self-injure, I actually make it a point not to look into their face right when I tell them. It bothers me so much to see their expression change. Sometimes, I've just looked off to the left or the right until I feel comfortable looking at them again. It's easier to sit sideways to the person because then you don't feel obligated to look into their eyes and it gives them however long to recover from their surprise and have a more normal expression.

[puzzclar]

The other issue is me feeling from them what they are feeling.

For example, a test is given out, and I feel anxious when I'm the only one in the room. But when I"m in a room with other people taking a test, I"m even more anxious.

I've tried looking the other direction, I want it to work. But at the same time, I"m not sure talking is the only thing that I need.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I can relate. I feel the same way at the moment... maybe you can call a crisis line? then you don't have to see their face... and they are supposed to listen to you and provide support... and the maybe seek out your therapist? I dunno... just some things that have helped me i the past. Hope you can find some peace in a safe way...

[puzzclar]

So I'm in a spiral, and then my sister has to add to what's been going on. She's losing her voice and I just wanted her to rest her voice so I sad, "Maybe you should shut up" It's a little nicer then saying just plain old shut up. But she took offense to it. I let her choose what to watch, and when she chooses something I've seen with her, she takes offense to it again.

I can't take this much longer. I really want to SI. Calling would require letting my sister know that how she handled things, and other things have add to all of the SUI and SI thoughts.

Between the headaches, and all the things that I should be doing. and attempting to get better. It's all just too much when weeks like this have happened. Agggg.