[ThisWayOut]

I'm toying with the idea of self harm. I want to do it, But I'm not sure what my motivations are... and it's too early to seek support from a live person. Maybe if I just sit here long enough it will go away? I see my t later but... I don't know. I don't know if I want to have that conversation. There is already so much else to talk about. Why doesn't this just get easy and stay easy? I don't like this.

[Sam2]

mdngtrain,
you are in the right place. You didn't say whether you have gone through with hurting yourself in the past or this is still in the thinking stage. Regardless, it is never too early to contact a real person. If you have already started harming yourself, you know how hard the urges are to stop. If you haven't, once you start it is extremely hard to sop.

Self harm becomes an addiction very very quickly, and the scars last a lifetime. I know. From the age of ten until two years ago, (I'm fifty now), I couldn't stop. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. Sometimes months would go by without a problem, then a stressor or trigger would come and I'd start again. It wasn't always cutting, but usually it was. I have scars, areas of numbness, areas of pain when the skin is touched by clothing and spent years feeling like a freak.

If you find that coming to this forum is not helping enough, please get help as soon as you can. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop. It can take over your life just like any addiction. All you think of what to do to yourself. You start to hide objects so that you will have a handy instrument to injure yourself with.

You need to know that no matter how careful you are, there is always the chance of bleeding out, cutting a tendon and losing the use of a limb, or getting a serious infection. In hospitals, great care is taken in surgery to keep everything sterile. Still, there are post operative infections. There is simply no way to be sure that you won't develop an infection, and they can be deadly.

Sam2

[ThisWayOut]

I haven't started again yet... it's hard though. I saw my T today and it was helpful. he's offering to help me get the treatment I need... it just takes time and a lot of energy that I just don't have. He also made me promise to stay safe or reach out for help. gotta keep those promises. I wish I knew of other local resources that could help it all along, because I feel like I've lost it. the motivation and energy are just gone. and everything is overwhelming. my wife is the only reason I have not started again. and she is the only reason I keep struggling.

I am glad you haven't started again...I know how hard it is. Take it 30 seconds at a time if you have to...or even 10. I say to myself "okay I will wait 10 seconds and re-evaluate then." And I just keep repeating it until things get better. I agree it takes a lot of energy, and sleep really helps so I hope your trazadone is working? I found a chat room online that I use sometimes....it is a crisis chat room at the RAINN website if you need it. Nice and anonymous if you're not a big phone talker. Hang in there MdngtRain!