Spouse who cuts

Does anyone on here have a spouse or significant other that cuts? If so, how do you deal with it? Or handle the situation? My wife has a problem with SI along with BP2, major depression and anxiety disorders.
Sometimes I feel like I'm her trigger over a small fight. As a result I'm on eggshells all the time and feel is my fault.
I just don't know what to say or do when she does this.

Hi Secretworld, both myself and my partner self harms which makes our relationship a very volatile one, but as both a SI er and the partner of someone who has struggled in the past, I've got to stress that unless you physically harm your wife, whenever she cuts or harms herself it is not your fault. A lot of people SI when they're feeling distressed, angry, alone and unable to cope with a situation, so if you were to argue as a couple, it is likely that her SI would be her way of dealing with it. It's not healthy and shouldn't be encouraged by any stretch, but you should realise that, while you should be accommodating and understanding of the self harming, sometimes it's not possible to not be in a difficult situation within the relationship and not act a certain way in fear of your wife SI ing. Because you have emotions too.

I think one thing you could try is maybe talking to her about it when she is calm one day. But I'd say just be careful not to make her feel guilty, because from personal experience, it can put an extra pressure on her if she feels like reacting the way she finds works for her is going to cause damage to her relationship. It's a difficult scenario.

I hope both you and your wife are well and figure something out. It's a fine line between helping and making worse and unfortunately that line is different for everyone, I think.
Good luck.

It is difficult to handle for the person handle that has to see the scars and wounds. My wife mostly ignores them. She may be involved in the issues that lead me to wanting to do it, but it is not her fault I chose to handle it that way. It is difficult to stand back and watch, or try to help and get no where.

For me self harm is a way to cope when things get bad. To complicate matter, bad doesn't always have to be a big problem or an issue that should get me so down. It takes.a lot off effort and work to handle things an effective and healthy way, and sometimes those answer to our problems don't seem to come right away, leaving us feel hopeless.and out of control.

People self harm for a lot of reasons. She needs to figure out what it does for her.ninkean does she self harm to cope? Does she feel nothing and is trying to feel something, even if it is pain? Is it a form of self punishment. She feel like she deserves it?

That is something she needs to figure out. Once that is figured out, she can begin to develop better soltuions to fix the issues instead of relying on self harm. Finding out why is a difficult issue. When I am feeling that depressed that I want to self harm I am not in a good place to talk. I just want some relief from what I am feeling and that is all I can focus on.

Don't blame yourself for what she does. It is her choice on how she handles her issues and she is the one who chooses to self harm. It isnt fair that you have to walk on egg shells around her issues. You can be ginger about sensitive subjects but you should be able to voice your thoughts opinions and conerns without backlash.

I recommend a therapist for her. Ultimately it is her choice on how she handles things and you can't do a lot to change that, but show concern and try to help her as much as you are able.

She is in therapy. Lamotragine, or however you spell it, has been a miracle drug for her . She has been cutting for a couple years now and was just recently re diagnosed with bipolar II. She hasn't cut in months so this threw me off a little.