Very bad night last night

I couldn't seem to get in this site last night when I really needed to. Although I'm better I really need to get it off my chest...

When I looked in the mirror, I hated myself suddenly. I couldn't look at myself at all. And then I had an image in my head of scratching myself, cutting my skin everywhere. It was terrifying because it was mutilation.

I didn't do that obviously. But I did have to sit on my bed with my blankets piled on top so that I literally couldn't see myself at all. And then I couldn't let any part of my body touch another part of my body. I also had a small break down.

It scared me a lot.....

I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Those feelings are terrifying and make you feel as though you have lost all control of your mind and body.

Just a tip, if you have any warning, (it sounds like you didn't this time), stay away from mirrors. They can do some really odd things to your mind. There are days on which I know that if I look in the mirror, I will lost it. If I do look, I see a wild eyed psychopath and it scares me badly. Even though I'd never hurt anyone else, the person I see in the mirror looks like someone who would. It makes me distrust myself and sometimes I don't recognize myself. On those days, its best to keep from meeting your own eyes in the mirror. If you have to part your hair or whatever else, concentrate on that part of your body, but don't look in your own eyes.

You might want to start a journal of some sort and see if there is something that may trigger episodes like that. It may not help, but it can't hurt, and it may give you some insight into your own mind. Stay safe friend.

Sam2