[Blue_Bird]

I feel like I have to do this again..I haven't for a week but started to feel urges to again earlier, then later today I find out I make a family member's life miserable, those were their words. Now there's even more reason to. It's the only thing I have that keeps me from just ending things. I understand that I'm supposed to be trying to stop this but it's hard to believe it's really a bad thing if it keeps me alive. I have tried to change myself so many times to fix the way I feel, nothing works but medication and I hate that now family members use it against me like they want nothing to do with me unless I'm on it. I do nothing intentionally to upset them, I know that I have some problems that have been helped with medication in the past, and will be again soon, but it really hurts to hear that I make someones life miserable, that I'm "unstable" and they want to be around me when I'm back on medication, but until then they don't.

They bring up mental health things and use it against me. They don't even know I'm still feeling this bad and still cutting, they just know my moods are extremely up and down now. But they bring up things they do know about from past inpatient, suicide attempts, self harm, in a condescending way like "of course there's something wrong with you, you've done this, this and that" whatever they choose to bring up about my problems to show me that there's something wrong with me. I just wish they wouldn't bring things up like that in a rude way. I understand that things are a million times better for me and apparently for them also when I'm back on medication but I don't know why they have to make me feel so weird like I'm crazy or something. I never have any kind of problems with them until they start interrogating me about if I'm depressed when I try to hide it, then I get mad or upset so of course I seem really unstable to them.

[Kojana]

Hi Blue Bird,

I understand what you are feeling I get these urges to, but you dont have to do that. It doesnt sound like you have a very supportive family and Im sorry that they talk to you like that. Maybe you should try distancing your self from them, its not healthy to have that kind of negativity around you especially when you are trying to get better. Its good that you joined here so you can talk to people that have the same issues and support each other. Please feel free to message me anytime you want to talk, I know how you feel and trust me it gets a lot better.

[Blue_Bird]

Hi Kojana, I ended up not doing it and made myself just try to sleep instead. Sometimes I'm not sure if they're not being supportive or have a weird way of doing it, if they are it's in a kind of harsh way I guess. I'm just trying to get to a point where I can feel normal again on medication so I don't have to listen to things like that and can deal with my problems without people harassing me about them. It will take some time to feel better again. I just hate being given ultimatums and people trying to make decisions for me, when I can do it on my own.

I'm really glad I joined this site, it's great to be able to talk when it's hard to talk about certain things in person but need to get something out. It's a community that seems very supportive and non judgmental.

[Kojana]

Hi Blue Bird,

Im glad to hear you made it thru that. You're right this is a good community, I have difficulties talking about my issues in person, Im glad I found out about this site when I did. Take care