[Katix3]

Hello there :]! I haven't gotten on PC in like a year or two. I moved from Long Island and to Georgia. It was stressful since I REALLY didn't know anyone here. Now I began to get bullied because of my "Proper" Accent as they call is down here. Not something I could help with so I was trying to keep my mouth shut as much as possible. Long story short I cut more than a [I]few[I] times. I then met my boyfriend.. MY WONDERFUL boyfriend who has been everything to me so far. He really thinks I'm amazing. The problem is...I don't even love my own self. I've began to eat less calories. He loves my shape. I've always been blessed with hips,big bum,small waist and big boobs...but I feel like I'm too fat. I'm always bigger than my friends. I cant wear shorts because I have a big bum. I have to wear big shirts because my boobs are HUGE -_-. I'm just not happy and I'm trying to change it..I am. I cut last month and I relapsed because of a Custody thing with my Deadbeat dad and my Mother. I just don't know how long I can keep my scars a secret between me and my boyfriend. What if he sees and leaves me? If he never does..should I tell him? I know it would hurt him deeply to know I'm attempting to starve myself and I self-harm. I'm 15 years old and I'm going into the 11th grade next month. I'm scared...of what might happen if he sees or asks me about them. He's truly someone who doesn't make me want to cut anymore. It's just the scars leftover. Ha..Who would think 3 years ago I said I would never stop. I'm trying but Everything just seems to comeback. I feel bad that I cant..I CANT LOVE MYSELF OR SEE ANYTHING ABOUT ME..that he would want. I ask myself all the time..who wants a girl who doesn't love herself? He honestly takes my good with the bad. I just cant understand it :/

[shlump]

Hi Katix3,

I think if he thinks you are amazing and you said it, so it must be true then he sees you for who you really are...scars and all. Some people smile their scars...and they are still just as amazing. I think you should share, even if he never sees them.

and love your sig

[nicoleflynn]

When we are born we are perfect. Somewhere along the way a person or persons tells us lies.....so we believe them, and hate ourselves and/or cut, etc., to relieve the pain. Are you in therapy? That would be a good start. There is nothing wrong with you....the blame and shame belong the the person/people who made you feel that way. As adults we try to undo those lies/that damage and it takes a lot of work/therapy to see the truth.....and then to accept ourselves and love ourselves.

I agree with the above poster in that some professional help might be useful - can you get counselling in school? All i would say is that if you want to change, do it for you. People in your life will come and go but if you feel more secure and healthy in yourself you'll find that overall, the more difficult things like that become easier to deal with. If your boyfriend loves you he won't be repelled by your scars - if anything he'll be sad and want to help in anyway he can. If you feel you can trust him he might be of enormous support and encouragement. As i said though, i think it would also be good to have someone who isn't personally connected to you to help you work through some of the issues you're facing. Good luck.

[Katix3]

My mother does make me go to a counselor but not for my self harm..which she does know about. I go because she believes I have anger issues. I honestly don't really like her it's just something about her that makes me think shes fake. I have told her about my self harm yet but..do you really think it's the best thing to do now?

[Poppy Princess]

I understand this. I tried hiding my scars from my wife for a long time. She eventually found out. Someone who loves might be upset at first but they eventually understand. My wife now understands and loves me despite my wounds. I'm sure that if your boyfriend loves you, he'll do the same. Give him your trust and he'll give you his love.

[adam_k]

Eventually they will find out. Relationships usually lead up to sex and you don't want him finding out like that. If things are really serious and you trust him, then maybe try to explain it. I'm not sure how much you have told him or what issues you have that make you want to cut. Eventually you should tell him. He should understand why you do it and what it does for you or did for you. It will be less confusing to him if he knows why.

I hope things work out. Maybe talk to your counsoulor about this before you tell him. Maybe do some role playing so you know what you will say.

[Katix3]

I am definitely going to talk to my counselor this Tuesday so yeah. Thanks so much for the support and I and going to use everyone's advice :]

Maybe you should just talk to him about it.

[MarlboroChick]

I hid my scars from my girlfriend for a while. But before we did anything I told her so that she wouldnt be surprised or upset or anything. She always says shes ok with the scars and everything. I would tell him before you have sex tho.