[tealBumblebee]

So...I know i've been posting a lot of threads, I guess its nice having someone to express to who understand, but *shrug* thinking its about time to step away from thread posting for a while - don't want to get on anyones nerves.

ANYWAY, so tonight I cut myself. And i wasn't sad. In fact the only emotions I've felt today were hapiness, peace and a little anger/irritability. Relatively good day. But I cut anyways.

At first, I just wanted to bleed. I like to watch myself bleed. I'm not a "deep" cutter or suicidal, I just cut. And usually I have a reason (emotions), but nope not this time. So I did, I watched myself bleed and I realized how good I felt physically (like when you have those first 2-3 shots of vodka/gin).

Anyone else ever done this?

[WorkInProgress16]

Usually my relapsing is because of emotions but after that it's for the high and good feeling afterwards. So yes I can relate.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

So...I know i've been posting a lot of threads, I guess its nice having someone to express to who understand, but *shrug* thinking its about time to step away from thread posting for a while - don't want to get on anyones nerves.

ANYWAY, so tonight I cut myself. And i wasn't sad. In fact the only emotions I've felt today were hapiness, peace and a little anger/irritability. Relatively good day. But I cut anyways.

At first, I just wanted to bleed. I like to watch myself bleed. I'm not a "deep" cutter or suicidal, I just cut. And usually I have a reason (emotions), but nope not this time. So I did, I watched myself bleed and I realized how good I felt physically (like when you have those first 2-3 shots of vodka/gin).

Anyone else ever done this?

Sometimes, I do it because its just a habit and i have nothing else to do. So yes. If im not upset when i cut i get the feel good thing too.

[ThisWayOut]

I do it sometimes. Mostly I find it later it's because I was dissociating from the emotions and needed to break down the wall all I could feel what was going on. But yeah, I've cut for the high or just out of habit.

Also, post away if it helps. If someone annoyed, they can choose not to read.

[sadp8r]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

So...I know i've been posting a lot of threads, I guess its nice having someone to express to who understand, but *shrug* thinking its about time to step away from thread posting for a while - don't want to get on anyones nerves.

ANYWAY, so tonight I cut myself. And i wasn't sad. In fact the only emotions I've felt today were hapiness, peace and a little anger/irritability. Relatively good day. But I cut anyways.

At first, I just wanted to bleed. I like to watch myself bleed. I'm not a "deep" cutter or suicidal, I just cut. And usually I have a reason (emotions), but nope not this time. So I did, I watched myself bleed and I realized how good I felt physically (like when you have those first 2-3 shots of vodka/gin).

Anyone else ever done this?

When I'm having a very emotional day like I did yesterday..I cut to feel the physical pain because I can't handle the emotional turmoil in my heart....there is a certain "high" I get from cutting...I'm not saying its ok to do....but I kept secret for so many years until I started in recovery...then the last time was September 2001...this May I started again....sometimes I tell my counselor but after a week or two....I just can't handle feeling lonely and the cutting helps me get through another day...oh if You ever need to chat You won't get on my nerves ok....just wanted to let You know You're not alone

[sadp8r]

Originally Posted by WorkInProgress16

Usually my relapsing is because of emotions but after that it's for the high and good feeling afterwards. So yes I can relate.

With me its when I feel overwhelmed with emotions....afterwards its more the feeling of relief....not so much "good" or "bad"...

[sadp8r]

Originally Posted by MarlboroChick

Sometimes, I do it because its just a habit and i have nothing else to do. So yes. If im not upset when i cut i get the feel good thing too.

It can become a habit.I haven't cut in over 11 years....and the past 8 years was doing fine...this may I relapsed in symptoms....I felt I couldn't these intense emotions of loneliness,loss,frustration....and felt the need to cut again...it isn't so much to help me feel good but more of a release....I care for the wounds myself...its easier for me to deal with physical wounds than emotional pain....I came on this forum tonight because once again I cut last night out of frustration......sometimes it even stops me from another suicide attempt....for after I cut that emotional crap starts fading...

[sadp8r]

I agree with MdgntRain,feel free to post anything You're feeling....I found it helpful not only to get it out,but also it helps to know were not alone....though people use self injury for a variety of reasons and I don't encourage people and myself to cut...I do believe its habit forming....I kept it secret for so long until I moved into a halfway house in 1999-2001.....since I couldn't drink I was overwhelmed with emotions,certain abuse I experienced as a child....with no alcohol to "numb" those feelings out of desperation I stabbed my ARM with a pair of scissors....that's when people found out about my cutting and saw the scars on my upper ARM....now after so many years I've had a relapse in my symptoms....this time its loneliness and frustration.....it seems the more intense those feelings the deeper I cut.....I feel I could write about it on PC for if I tell people they just want to lock me up in hospital...they don't understand the emotional healing affect it has..thanks for letting me share and thanks to everyone for sharing...