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Member
Member Since Jan 2004
Location: MO. USA
Posts: 177
20 |
Feb 08, 2004 at 06:00 PM
#1
Last night I was sitting at the computer talking to my grandmother and one of my friends online and when I got up to get a drink I noticed a scratch on my arm. It looks like a burn, but I scratched it. I have done this before and it really hurt, but the last few times were on purpose. I am not wanting to hurt myself at all, but I have a scratch again. Can someone help me and tell me why I might have done this? I am afraid to talk to anyone, afraid they will think I did on purpose and send me back in the hospital. I did not do this on purpose, I was not even aware of doing it. I told my husband what happened and he said I need to be more aware and that it really did look like a burn. He didn't seem to be too much concerned. I am not sure why I did this, I do not want to hurt myself, I am too happy to hurt myself and I know this for sure. Thank your for your time and reading of this post.
Hugs and Kisses to you, Brandi (blackenedangel) You are all poets and I am on the side of death Jacques Vaché __________________ [blue] Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you, Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" [/blue] [purple]Cat Kisses Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin That is the way for a day to begin! Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur. Author Unknown [/purple] |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2002
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 1,130
22 |
Feb 09, 2004 at 03:11 PM
#2
Hey Brandi,
I occasionally get scratches and stuff that I don't remember having happened. I am fairly disconnected from my body so when it comes to scratches I know that it is because I was concentrating on something else and didn't realize that that I had scratched an itch deeper then needed just because I didn't feel it at all at the time. I don't think it is anything to worry about especially since you feel good. I believe your husband is right, it is just a matter of becoming more aware of your body. Take care, Carrie |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2003
Location: Springfield Mo. USA
Posts: 3,501
21 
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Feb 10, 2004 at 02:53 PM
#3
This worries me..
I know you want to be a good girl.. I do agree that you need to be more aware of you body, but if you did this and did not relize it, then maye the friend you were talking to should not be there for you ???Or were you upset at yoru grandmother??? <font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G.K. Chesterton <font color=purple> __________________ 
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Member
Member Since Jan 2004
Location: MO. USA
Posts: 177
20 |
Feb 11, 2004 at 02:11 PM
#4
I am very unaware of my body and trying my best to become more aware of my body, but it so hard to do. I hope it is nothing to worry about, because when I saw the scratch it scared me. I don't want to hurt myself, but it just happened. I don't know. At least now I know I am not the only one who does this. You are so sweet.
Hugs and Kisses to you, Brandi You are all poets and I am on the side of death Jacques Vaché __________________ [blue] Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you, Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" [/blue] [purple]Cat Kisses Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin That is the way for a day to begin! Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur. Author Unknown [/purple] |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2004
Location: MO. USA
Posts: 177
20 |
Feb 11, 2004 at 02:19 PM
#5
I was upset with my grandmother, my friend had nothing to do with it. My grandmother has just really been upseting me lately and it is really starting to p*** me off. My friend had nothing to do with it, she is not hurting me in anyway at all. I am sorry to have worried you and I am trying my best to be more aware of my body. I am sorry! I want to be a good girl, I do not wnat to hurt myself anymore, I have every reason in the world NOT to. I want my friend to be there for me. I want to see my friend again, but I am not sure when that will take place. I was very upset wiht my grandmother, I am tired of my granmother upsetting me and nagging at me. I just wish there was some way to shut her up and to get her to stop trying to control my life. Grr! Thank you for caring.
Hugs and Kisses to you, Brandi You are all poets and I am on the side of death Jacques Vaché __________________ [blue] Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you, Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" [/blue] [purple]Cat Kisses Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin That is the way for a day to begin! Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur. Author Unknown [/purple] |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2002
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 1,130
22 |
Feb 11, 2004 at 09:05 PM
#6
Something that you said struck me as...disturbing I guess. "I want to be a good girl, I don't want to hurt myself anymore." I, myself, have said these words before. I guess what I would like to know is why does hurting ourselves make us bad? Yes, I know that it is not the best thing for us to do and it would be in our very best interest to knock it off but I have to ask myself if referring to myself as "bad" for doing this just increases the need to do it because I am a bad person inside. What would happen if we stepped away from the idea of being "good" or "bad" and stepped toward the concept that we are merely humans making not so great choices?
Just thinking out loud, Carrie |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2003
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,511
21 8 hugs
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Feb 11, 2004 at 10:55 PM
#7
Perhaps Carrie it is our own ingrained ideas of what "society" would say. From the time that we are born, we are told things like, "first impressions count", and "what you do reflects on me"..........
People can't seem to be themselves because actions or behaviors are deemed inappropriate or bad. It's a shame that we are so concerned with what others think, instead of reflecting on how we feel about ourselves. Sorry, just had to interject there. Take care.......{{{{{{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
21 132 hugs
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Feb 13, 2004 at 12:37 PM
#8
Brandi,
I turn up with scratches and don't know where I got them too. I worried about it for a while when I started noticing that, but now I think it's just an accident. I think that can happen to anybody, really. 
__________________ “We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
21 132 hugs
given |
Feb 13, 2004 at 12:50 PM
#9
This concept of being "good" or "bad" regarding cutting reminded me of a tape I was listening to a while ago. It's a program by Dr. Jonathan M. Chamberlain, about eliminating your "DSB's" which refers to Self Defeating Behaviors. The program looks at it from a religious perspective, but there is a secular version available also. SI is definitely an SDB, although it isn't one that is mentioned specifically. In defining SDB's, Dr. Chamberlain includes anything that is not in your best interest, or that is holding you back from maximizing your potential. What this discussion reminded me of was that he said, "All sins are SDB's, although there is some disagreement as to whether all SDB's are sins." So, anyway, I think that SI is something that can hold you back, and that is in our best interest not to do, but I don't think it is productive to label it as bad. If we feel like we are bad for doing it, we'll probably just do it more.
__________________ “We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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