Alright...This Is Getting Annoying

As i've mentioned before, sometimes I don't have to be angry or upset to cut, I just do it. The last few days i've been pretty relaxed, low stress, but i've still been cutting.

I originally reserved one spot (cut a square outline in my leg) for cutting, but I eventually ran out of room - and the cuts bleed but I barely notice them anymore (maybe skins gotten thicker?). I have tried a few random areas, and ended up doing a few deeper (than I had been) cuts in my thigh which wasn't the brightest idea because today is the first in three or four days that I can sit on that side or pull my pants up without hesitating. Frankly the only one that satisfies me anymore is the breast. But I don't want anymore scars on breast (tanks/dresses) and thigh (shorts) to bring up any convo. I am a feminine girl, so I like to wear whatever.

I'm getting frustrated because these cuts don't hurt anymore. And I know the only way to get them to hurt is to cut deeper (which is good for more blood but wheres the limit on when to stop going deeper?) and will result is more sever scarring.

Has anyone experienced this numbing of pain? Besides cutting deeper (trying not to) what do you do?

When it gets to that point its time to have a look at yourself and your behaviours.

I got to that point a few times, getting out of the habit was the best thing to do.

Quitting cutting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have had a few relapses but very minor and finding I do not get the same feeling so its just not worth it anymore.

I've always managed to find other spots, but I don't recommend that. If I don't find a satisfying spot, I have taken it too far by accident when trying to get the feeling/relief/blood/high/whatever from it. Maybe talk to someone about the change in relief from it? Might be time to find a new coping skill or start treating it as an addiction? Too much tolerance can be really dangerous with cutting (speaking as someone who dealt with the addiction piece of it and nearly died twice because my tolerance became too high. Though I have found that unlike drug or alcohol addiction, I can return to it with more control years later. Not recommended or suggested however).

I think I really could quit today if I wanted to, I just don't think I want to yet. But I may have to if this progressive need keeps up.

I have tried of course the leg, breast, feet, toe, upper arm, thigh, private area, each of my fingers on one hand, and then a few random scratches in places. Most don't bleed enough or satisfy me. I guess it could be time to find a new coping skill except...1) I don't know when i'm coping or if i'm bored and 2) what else is there to do?

It sounds like its time to maybe consider trying to give up if the danger of it all has been brought in to light. You dont want an 'accident' one day after all, i know that isnt the intent of most addicted SI'ers. Have you tried the elastic band method to feel the pain, see if that satisfies your urges for the time being?

I've heard of it, and never really tried it. But I think I might give it a try for the week.

I talked to T about this situation today; she didn't give me any answers per se but she did help me gain a more clear understanding (mainly that i'm cutting because of emotional disconnect) and I think I will definitely try to be more aware of my feelings this week as well.

I dont usually advise other methods of harm due to cross addiction lol, but the elastic band has helped me in the past because you dont expect it to hurt as much as it does! Alot safer

It seems like you have a clear insight in to your feelings of the matter and where you want to go with it, which is great - you are giving yourself goals and that indicates strength. Ive just started a mood diary (i note the time, the mood and the possible trigger of each attack) maybe something like that would help you with your journey to recconect with your feelings?

Thanks for the compliment, and lol, risk of cross addiction is probably better than risk of an accident. I will probably work on the mood journal as well because she wants to try to go through the events of the day that could lead to figuring out what my trigger is. So this will definitely help. I really do appreciate you taking the time to offer some advice =]