7-8 Weeks but still getting horrible urges

I truly miss the razor blade moving across my thigh. I really do.
What hurts me the most right now is that it's been 7-8 weeks and that I shouldn't still feel the need inside of me. In the deepest throes of my depression, it's there, and I can't do anything about it.
I have all of these bottles up emotions - shame, anger, sadness, pain - that I need to bleed out, but am currently unable to do so.
One of the worst things besides the urges are the scars. They're not very noticeable, but I can see them, bright as day, mocking me. "You can't do anything, haha! You can't make yourself feel better!"
Crying isn't working as well as it used to, so I'm picking at my skin and chewing my nails almost constantly in an effort to feel that sweet relief. It's barely working.
All I can do not is sit, busy my mind, and fight the insistent want which is almost a need and make it to my 9th week.

Come on, you know you can do this. Do all you can to distract you and FIGHT it. If i can make it 3 years free, so can you.... I promise you it gets easier.

Visualise the shame and guilt you will feel in the morning, really visualise it... That always holds me off a bit! 7-8 weeks is incredible, just imagine what it will feel like on your 9th week... Or even your 10th?

You can do this, have faith in yourself x

The shame is what's holding me back. I don't want to disappoint mom.
I truly hope it gets easier, because this isn't too much fun!

It really does, but you have to keep fighting for it. I even forgot at one point (for about 2 years!) that I ever had the problem in the first place! x