[ickydog2006]

This week has been awful... and I know this could be placed in a lot of other sections, but I feel like posting here.

A few days ago I found out someone I know almost commited suicide, the next day my friend's dad beat her up again, and then the next day one of my classmates, whom I've grown up with my entire life, died.

This is the first major time I've had to go through a grieving process without cutting. I haven't cut for 1 yr 1 mth and I never want to go back to that life. But I hate crying and keep craving. The other day I found myelf doodling in class (which is normal), but I was doodling words that appeared to be dripping blood. Also my hand/wrist kept going numb, or itched, or ached.

I know I have to stay strong and eventually things will be okay again, but it's just really hard to stay on track when suddenly everyone's world is falling apart around you and there is nothing you can do about it.

I don't know why I'm even posting all this.

[Christina86]

((((((((ickydog)))))))))

I'm so sorry dear. That seems like a horribly rotten week. Please continue to fight the idea to cut, you can do it - I know you can. I'm sorry that there is all this chaos, hurt and confusion around you - but you've come this far without resorting to self-injury and I know you really don't want to go there again. Try to find someone to talk to, journal or do anything to get your thoughts and feelings down and out of you - because that is what can cause a person to act on the impulse to SI.

Stay safe *hugs*

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( ickydog ))))))))))))

I like your name

I'm so sorry things are so yucky, many good thoughts. You sound very strong. Please take care,
Fuzzy

[Rapunzel]

I admire your determination to get through this without resorting to old methods. Sorry to hear that so many bad things are happening all at once in your life, or in the lives of people close to you. (((((((((Ickydog)))))))))))))

Rap

[ickydog2006]

Thank you or the hugs... and guess what... it only got worse.

Following could be TRIGGERING

So after all that had happened above I got the stomach virus that's been going around campus. Because of that and being upset I was only getting 3-5 hours of sleep per night. My Saturday, where I usually get 15 hours of sleep, I got three and a half. The next morning I wasn't thinking straight and starting licking my arm and could taste blood and then just started sucking and it felt like is was pooring out like old times. It tasted so good... but it wasn't there. I'm glad I didn't do anything that made it real but I feel like such a psycho for doing all that and not being connected with reality.
After all that I went to the nurse and talked to her about abdominal pain and sleeping (but was too embarrassed to tell her the other stuff) and she said I should take pepto bismal for stomach and at night take a benadril allergy pill at night to help me sleep.
After all that I only got 7 hours of sleep but I was able to think logically again and control panic attacks again.

I'm doing better now and have gotten two nights of 7 hours, which is way better than nothing.

Thanks for listening, I'm glad I can let all this out here. Although journaling is definitely productive, it still makes me feel like I'm hiding behind a mask because I'm to scared to admit what I'm really like.

I'm not that crazy/ abnormal am I? Has anyone else done something like this?