My Trip

My trip to tucson was way cool! It started a little shaky because my T didn't call me back the day before the trip and to cope with the anxiety I shaved myself completely from the neck down. But that is ok. When I got the courage to show my hubby when I got back from the trip he found it a bit erotic so it all worked out ok.

I got the window seat on the way down and back on the plane. So I got to see Mt Raineer as the sun rose and under the light of the full moon. Beautiful.

Arizona is an interesting place. So different from here in the North West. So dry and brown. The shades of brown are as varied as the shades of green that surround me at home.

The Gem show was overwhelming. I have never seen so much stuff in my life. It was all so sparkly. Table, upon table, row upon row, tent upon tent. Not enough time, not enough money. My brain went on overload in the first tent we went into, then it set up filters against the overstimulation. Interesting how the brain can do that. Once it settled down I was able to enjoy myself looking. I split off from my group frequently, always letting them know where I was going and how long I would be gone so they wouldn't worry about me. They understood and weren't bothered by it at all.

I bought myself a pretty silk pantsuit, a purple tourquoise pendant, and a coral ring, bracelet and donut. I got my kids a couple of wooden puppets, a sampler of fossils, a sampler of stone specimens and a bracelet for my daughter. I bought my husband a big prosperity toad with a funny grin.

My boss's condo is so nice. I slept in the fairy room with Amy. She is easy to get along with. What I like most about Amy and Tracy is that they both have to read right before bed and after they get up just like me. It was pleasant laying down in bed, reading quietly with amy in the next bed reading as well.

The two most amusing things were all the crystal penises and the contemplation of how archeologists would look at them 3000 years from now and thinking about the guys who carved them (did they do it one handed?). Also Amy and I looked for the 7 crystal skulls so we could fullfill the legend of the 7 skulls and once we found them mankind would be imparted with the knowledge of the universe. Well, we found seven but are still waiting for the knowlege.

I am so happy I went. I was so scared, before, during and after the whole thing but feel proud of myself for doing it anyway. You may ask "why was she scared after the trip was over?" I discovered that Crystal truely loves me and the others like me and think I am a good and valueable person. This scares me to death. When is the shoe going to drop. When is Karma going to return me to the balance (or should I say off balance) that I have grown accustom too? My hubby says that the shoe doesn't always have to drop. Sometimes good things happen without punishment. Is it possible? I am thankful he had monday off so that I was not alone the day after the trip. He held me and assured me that it would be ok. He listened to me as I cried out my fears. He never said I was dumb for feeling the way I did, never told me to stop crying. He just held me and told me that I may be mistaken and to not worry so much about it. I feel so lucky that we have stuck together for so long. So many years of pain and frustration, of growth and new understanding. We made love on Monday night and I stayed in my body and felt safe. Do you know how long it has been since I felt safe while having sex? Uh never.
Carrie