So yesterday my therapist tells me that each time I self-harm I have to fill out this page long form (change analysis). Even for simply head banging (punching or knocking on my head or banging it on the wall).

More stupid rules imposed on me.

First of all - a few knocks on the head is NOT SELF HARM. These stubborn aholes can not get that through their head. And now I have to fill out a form every time?? Are you kidding me. How the hell am I supposed to get anything done? I will be filling out 40 a day.

So..... (as you can tell). I am a bit pissed off right now. So, my first form was filled out in advance - and I told her straight out that this self harm (cutting) was because of her stupid rule.

800+ new cuts.

[jpny]

Sounds like your T is doing it so that you can see why you do it, when you do it and how in the long term it is & going to effect you getting better.
When I look back on the times that I would hurt myself...it wasn't just me that I was hurting. I pushed everyone and everything away. After being in therapy for 4+years, it's only since my last meeting w/my T did I begin to see things in a different way. It takes a long time,TONS of help and reflection to come to that point. When that day comes, I hope you'll be kind to yourself! You're the one that matters most!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

a few knocks on the head is NOT SELF HARM.

Depends on why you do it, and whether it actually does harm.

Maybe these forms are to deter you from doing it, but it seems like an odd angle from which to go at it.

[mazing]

I think that jpny is right that your T may be using them to let you look at why you do it and the impact it has on you and those around you. However, if it is making you more stressed thsn I would suggest talking to your T. It may not be the right time to be implementing that particular tool.

[doyoutrustme]

It may be minor to what YOU consider harm, but it falls under the category of self harm.

[MoxieDoxie]

I lie.............I do not tell him if I bang my head. I just tell him the urges are strong and I fantasize about it. He does not even know that is how I self harm. I used to burn but do not want to deal with hiding scars so head banging works just fine.

Thanks Moxie... I know the cuts are not something that can be denied - but I suppose the punching stuff could simply be invisible to the overly-concerned part of my world.

Thank you for the advice (I feel kinda stupid for not thinking of it myself).

[jpny]

Hi Moxie, just wondering if u have seen your T...since you've been filling out the forms? Have you spoken about them? Has you're T been able to explain things in a better way?

Hope you're safe and being good to yourself!

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by jpny

Hi Moxie, just wondering if u have seen your T...since you've been filling out the forms? Have you spoken about them? Has you're T been able to explain things in a better way?

Hope you're safe and being good to yourself!

Your mistaken.......my T has never asked me to fill out any forms.

[jpny]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Your mistaken.......my T has never asked me to fill out any forms.

So I am...sorry about that.
But I still hope you're being good to yourself

[ThisWayOut]

the forms sound like the dbt ones... it's not meant to be a deterrent, but to help you understand exactly what goes on when, and help to get to a point where you can change the behavior before it escalates to self-harm... (or so they say). I hated them immensely and always felt like it was a punishment. I stopped going to DBT, and have refused it every time it's been suggested again because it's a bigger trigger for me than a help. (actually, I was kicked out every time except this last time... every other time I screwed up so bad they didn't want me there anymore because they realized it did more harm than good. This last time the group dwindled to too few participants so they stopped it... It was actually one I liked finally. go figure).
Maybe having a frank conversation about your unwillingness to stop the self harm at this point would be a good idea? I know they can't endorse self-harm, but some therapists will then focus treatment on something else. I have had therapists do that in the past - we worked on the other stuff and there was an understanding that they would ask every few sessions how the self-harm was going, and I would agree to get checked out by a dr or nurse if it got too bad. we also had the agreement that I would not lie about the self-harm if asked directly, nor would I omit any information. It helped me focus less on that negative coping and feel safer in being able to talk about it when I was asked. I don't know if that's feasible for you, but thought I would throw it out there that it is possible and may be worth a conversation...

Yup, DBT.

And met with my T yesterday and told her outright that I was "pissed" about filling out the forms. She acknowledge that. She also said what I knew - she is trying to use the information on the forms to help figure out my problems.....

I HATE being told what to do. HATE, HATE, HATE it. but a part of me does actually want to get some normalcy back in my life and I guess this is just one of those things that I will have to deal with...