[grey_aj]

I haven't SI-ed in a while, and even though I'm in an acceptable place right now, I can't stop thinking about it. Not really urges, but more like a constant dull longing/ craving. I think it's the addiction aspect. (*trigger*) I can't stop thinking about how good it would feel... just a great release. It's driving me insane.

Is it possible to cut in "moderation"... like mild cuts when I really feel like SI. Just the occasional cut when I'm really stressed without feeling bad about it? I guess I'm wondering if it's possible to turn SI into a controllable habit. I really really want it to be.

I think the only thing stopping me now is fear of guilt. The last time I SI-ed I didn't really feel anything afterwards, but I think I've come a long way since then. But my mind still won't shut up about it.

Thanks for reading.

- AJ

Not sure if I fully relate with what you are saying.... I cut and my cuts are shallow. But I have NEVER regretted my cutting. I know it helps me and (IMO) is not that big of a deal (tho my T disagrees)

[IGotThis]

I get what you're saying.... Somebody posted something on here a while back that I can't find, but can summarize it well enough... Basically, it said "I have gone a few days without it now. I know I will cut again, but I don't need to do it for every minor thing that happens... Why not go as long as I can without it?"

For me, this was very helpful in making me feel less guilty... It's great to go as long as you can without it, but sometimes it is more stressful and more painful to not do it, and it really does help to be able to release that pain in some way... I don't know if that does anything to help you figure out what you want to do, but I hope so..

[grey_aj]

Part of me thinks that it would be a good idea, but another part of me knows that I'm just trying to make excuses for myself... I thought stopping would equal moving past it but apparently not, because not a day goes by without at least one thought about SI! So if not cutting doesn't work, maybe cutting will give me peace of mind? I don't know.

- AJ

[IGotThis]

I'm not sure, honestly. I'm kind of stuck in the same boat... I somehow am feeling guilty either way, so right now, I'm just trying to minimize the guilt of whatever I'm doing...

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I used to try to control it, ... it never worked. Self-harm is self-harm, however much or badly you do it. I know that longing to which you refer, but you don't have to turn to self-harm; replace it with something else, like fun, relaxing, happy, or exciting things. Hope things go OK.

Yeah I've tried to control/cut in moderation too and it doesnt work, eventually it gets bad again. Best just to find better coping strategies.

[Grey Matter]

I think, with the addiction aspect of SH, it never stays at moderation. Which, I am not at all judging you, dear, you've come a really, really long way. I know when I went a year without cutting or bruising I went "I can do this in moderation, just for emergencies" and I am back to celebrating days of not having self injured or OD'ing.

Just be careful and take care is all I can say, in the end you know yourself best.

[bronzeowl]

I would trust the part that thinks you're just making excuses. Have I cut in "moderation"? Yes. Does it ever last? No. It always becomes more. More frequent. More at one time. Because eventually, my definition of moderation changes, and I make more excuses. This is kind of the thinking of an addiction. I wouldn't recommend doing it, or trying it. Best of luck to you.