[Morgansangel]

I went for years using food and cigarettes to stop myself cutting, but gave in around a year ago.
It's been sporadic, but then recently it's been awful I think about it constantly and do it every few days.
It's worse while I'm changing my meds over and I've talked to psych about it and he basically says I have to 'ride it out' a fat lot of good that is.

Also there's the issue of my mother. I *cant* lie to her or keep things from her (it makes me physically vomit, I've no idea why) but the look on her face when she realises what I've done kills me inside. I don't know what to do.

I gave in tonight and knowing that tomorrow I'll have to face her just makes me die inside. It makes me feel even worse and like I need to do it again but that makes no sense.

I just don't know what to do.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm sorry about the way your psychiatrist is about the issue, do you have a therapist you can talk to? Sometimes therapy, specifically CBT can help with self harm.

One thing that helps keep me from cutting is exercising. Working out gives that "burn" sensation without actually hurting myself, and it's healthy as well. Are there any things you do/hobbies you enjoy that you can use whenever you feel the urge to cut?

Something that was taught to me while in the hospital was using a rubber band and snapping it on your wrist to get a slight sting to help with the urges.

There are a lot of other coping skills and strategies of course for curbing urges, those are just the one's off the top of my mind that have helped me. You just need to find one, or a combination of things that suit you. I hope you can find something that helps you

[falsememory7]

Bluebird was right, when I first stopped my habit, I found that keeping a rubber band on my wrist was one of the most helpful ways, and I found myself snapping it whenever I felt the urge... I think the most important thing is not HOW to stop it, because there are so many ways to assist in your/our healing, but that you DO stop it. Because it's one of the worst things that you could do to yourself. I personally know how you feel, I've been there myself, but how I feel now, everyday, is way better than the rush that I would feel every time after I would cut. Don't give in.

[Morgansangel]

Thank you both.

Unfortunately CBT makes me worse, my therapist just left and I'm stuck on a year long waiting list for a new one

Exercise makes me feel awful about myself and I get in dangerous OCD cycles with it I've not really any hobbies at the moment because my concentration span and motivation are so low. I try doing things like reading etc but it's like there's layers of my mind and that only occupies one layer while the others all tell me I should be cutting and they confuse me and then I get angry because I'm not taking in what I'm reading and that makes me angry with myself and hate myself more and the urge gets stronger. And it's often in the middle of the night so I can't go anywhere to distract myself, not that I leave the house much at the moment because of my anxiety
I've tried all the elastic band/ice cube/drawing with a red pen etc things but none of them work for me. They just focus me even more on the desire to do it. Guess I'm a freak.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Morgansangel

Thank you both.

Unfortunately CBT makes me worse, my therapist just left and I'm stuck on a year long waiting list for a new one

Exercise makes me feel awful about myself and I get in dangerous OCD cycles with it I've not really any hobbies at the moment because my concentration span and motivation are so low. I try doing things like reading etc but it's like there's layers of my mind and that only occupies one layer while the others all tell me I should be cutting and they confuse me and then I get angry because I'm not taking in what I'm reading and that makes me angry with myself and hate myself more and the urge gets stronger. And it's often in the middle of the night so I can't go anywhere to distract myself, not that I leave the house much at the moment because of my anxiety
I've tried all the elastic band/ice cube/drawing with a red pen etc things but none of them work for me. They just focus me even more on the desire to do it. Guess I'm a freak.

You're not a freak, I'm sorry none of those things work for you. I can completely understand them having the opposite effect than intended when your frustrated with yourself. I had to be on medication that actually helped, lifted my mood before I was able to start using coping skills. I hope that you can eventually somehow find something that helps you, whether that be medication, coping skills, or a combination of both.

[Morgansangel]

Thank you <3

I'm on my millionth med combination just hoping that something will start working soon :/ and fingers crossed I get accepted to DBT :/