Different Way

I harm myself in different ways than most do. I don't like to leave marks or scars. Instead of cutting, I tend to punch myself, smash my head into the door, leave minor burns, asphyxiate and nearly drown myself, rip off my finger and toe nails, and subject myself to extreme cold or heat.

I don't like to hurt myself. I only do it when I'm extremely angry at myself, feeling insecure or mentally unwell, or have binged recently. I should probably stop, but there's no real point. When I end up dying, no one will care or even remember me.

First, I hope that you are okay and not in danger right now. We are here if you want to talk.
I can relate because I also use punching myself and smashing my head on walls/doors/anything really.

Thanks for the reply-- though, I am truly not worth your time. Don't worry about my well being, for I am too much of a coward to ever actually commit suicide. Secondly, I am glad we can relate, and I am sorry-- I hope you don't feel the urge to do that anymore. I cannot say I know why you do it, but I'd be willing to discuss it with you.

It sounds like you are going through a lot, and the types of things you are describing are definitely SI. I don't think anyone enjoys SI, it is a coping mechanism. Not a good one, but one all the same. It sounds like you might have some things to work through. I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone you trust and they can help you find the proper help. Even if you don't think you are worth it, you are. No one is worth less than other people. You posted your story on here, to me, that shows that you want help. We are here for you and are here to listen.

Thank you, and ja. I understand, though I am not sure why it is something I go to to cope. I can't talk to my father or family about this, nor my friends. This is the only place I can share this information out. I have a tendency to see myself as below others. I do want help, and danke for your time.

Orbit - I went back and had a look at your posting history. You said you're 15 years old. I know someone that used to bash themselves and self injure without cutting at your age, too. They are now happily married. (No, not talking about myself.) Please try to be kinder to yourself. Perhaps the counsellor at school can help you?

One of the reasons people self-injure is that injuries cause an endorphin rush - natural chemicals in your body's response. So you get relief. There are other ways to get this! I figure if you're going to do something painful, lift weights or do other punishing exercise. There are payoffs, and if not, then you've "hurt yourself" without damaging yourself if you know what I mean.

You aren't alone! I used to hit my arms on things all the time and give myself friction burns. Even now, after not cutting for over 2 years, I still punch myself in the side of the head when I get angry. There is always a point to stopping SI, and there are many reasons to. I can't tell you what yours should be, but I know you can find some. It can be something small to start. I hope you feel better soon.

Correct. I'll be 16 in January. Interesting-- I am actually curious to know more about this person. I could also try be nicer to myself... Though, I don't wish to speak to this about my family or anyone at school.

For a short period, I did lift weights, and enjoyed it. However, in the end, I had to stop. I had been a part of the school football team, thought I don't particularly like football. I did enjoy the weight lifting. I finished that year and quit the next, so I don't have access to any weights.

I'm glad to speak to one who can relate. I'm sorry you still hit yourself, and hopefully you can stop soon. Thank you, and I hope you feel better soon as well.

Interesting you enjoyed the football workouts. My brother wasn't a jock, and he was overweight, but he enjoyed football a lot. My highschool also didn't have weights for the general population, so I understand how that can be. However, we had a weightlifting club. Does yours? I went to more than one school in Canada, and they all had them. If yours doesn't, perhaps a teacher would be interested in supervising one. If you ask around, you could start a great thing. What do you think? Since you enjoyed it before, it seems a worthy objective. And if you succeed, you'll get major credz as well. If you fail, well, you tried and you can pat yourself on the back.

What do you want to know about the person I mentioned?

I appreciate it thank you, unfortunately I still do it. I do it when I become overwhelmed by my emotions or the thoughts/images in my head. It relieves some sort of pain inside me.
You are very young, I started hurting myself at age 12 and I know how hard it can be to stop. I hope you can find someone to talk to about this.

I find it interesting as well. My school does not have a weightlifting club, and it's a bit too late to see if a teacher would sponsor one, though, it sounds cool. I'd be willing to try next year.

I am just curious on their life and issues. Why did they SI? Where there any causes in specific? If I may so bold as to ask.

No problem, and I'm sorry. I hope one day you can move passed it.

Yes, and it feels a bit strange. Thanks-- I hope everything is going well with you.

So that's an idea for next year - but you can always ask this year so they have the summer to think about it. Just encouraging you in something possibly productive.

Well, this person was lonely to the point of suicidal. Also partook in binge eating, like stuff right out of the container such as jam or chocolate milk mix. He felt different from all the other kids and was picked on (being shorter and not macho/aggressive). Self hatred abounded.

Hey Orbit. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing this. Life isn't fair, and it breaks my heart that you're experiencing this pain and sadness. I have a history with SI, and although I cut, that wasn't the only thing I did. I also burned, ripped off my nails, bruised myself, anything to cause that physical pain... so I know how you feel. I know that I'm just "meeting" you now, but I care. I care when you hurt, I care when you're angry, I care when you're lonely, I care about you. If anything happens to you, I promise I'll remember you. You can always pm me if you need to talk about anything, have someone listen to you, or just chat about the gray skies and the cold air. Just try to hang in there, okay? Because things do get better, I promise. And I care.