[_Hippy]

***PRETTY TRIGGERING***

So, I have only been self harming for a year now, but it is getting very bad. I don't cut very deep at all, but I cut multiple times a day, by the hundreds. It has gotten to the point where I take my blade to school, and I cut in the bathroom stall, or I have even cut in the middle of class, and nobody notices. It is a huge problem. Nobody has ever found out that I cut myself. I barely need to hide it, because I pretend to be happy and cheerful. Everybody thinks I am really cheery and eternally optimistic, even if the catch a glimpse of my wrist, I can make up something that happened, and they believe it right away.

It is getting to be a real problem. It used to help me forget my problems for a bit, and I only cut once a day, or every two days. But now, I can't function without cutting. Now, if I hadn't cut for about two or three hours, my anxiety levels get really high, and I can't breathe. I need to cut. I need help. I have tried so many alternatives to self harm. Nothing helps.

[grey_aj]

I really hope you find someone in real life to talk to and share your feelings with. I read somewhere that it is much much harder to stop SI on your own. It is possible, but takes a long long time, and chances of quitting SI are much higher if someone else is there. If it had not been for my friend and I finding out about each other's self-harm, I actually would have relapsed that very night after spending 5 months clean. So please please find someone to talk to, I KNOW that it seems impossible. I know, I really do. But it would really help.

More people at your school also SI than you would think. Seriously, I mean this. Do not feel like a loner in this.

- AJ

I went it alone, I never ever talked about my self harm with other people besides pdoc, it was completely private and something that should not be bragged about. I was mortified when anyone found out and friends finding out was the worst possible thing.

Try journaling, see if there are triggers setting you off to "need" to do it. Limit the damage, maybe confine it to one place of your body per week. What coping skills do you have in place for when the need strikes? Its not about replacing the behavior with alternatives it is about changing the behavior. Do you ever do any self care or self nuture?

[falsememory7]

I know how you feel - I used to be the same way a couple years ago, and it was the way I survived... but in order to stop, or slow down how frequently you do it, you have to do two things: 1. why you do it. if it's because of depression or memories haunting you, or something else, you have to face it. not all at once, but you have to face it, and feel free to pm me if you need somebody to talk to, or just want to chat, because I would LOVE that. and 2. try doing it less and less, little by little. If right now you do it 5 times a day, try working it down to 4, then 3, then 2... and when you're not SIing, occupy your time so that you're not thinking about it - like going on long walks outside, or watching movies, or something like that. I really hope this helps, I just wish I could take all your pain away. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Hippy