[User_name]

Whether you've not done it in a month, six months, a year or two years does the desire ever stop creeping into your mind late at night when the world seems so much more awful and the anxieties of your day are boiling over? That voice in your head telling you that you know exactly how to make everything feel better. I literally cry sometimes because all I want to do is that, but I know logically I just shouldn't do it. It's too hard to stop once you start, and it's too hard to hide in college.... and yet, I just feel like I NEED to. I'm afraid I'll be weak and give in one of these nights. I never want to feel as awful as I did the day my guidance counselor called my mom to tell her that I've been cutting and then when my mom came home that night, walked in on me in the shower, and yelled at me to no end about how stupid I was and how embarrassed she was. I told her I would never do it again. It was a lie. But God, how small I felt that day. And the only thing I wanted to do to feel better was hurt myself some more. It's pathetic. How do you guys stay on track when you're tempted?

[x_BabyG_x]

I always remember the guilt that I felt afterwards and it alway overrode the urge, because deep down I knew that temporary relief wasn't worth a lifetime of misery.

Practically, the strongest shock that stalled my urges was jumping in the shower and turning it on full freezing mode - you wouldn't believe how affective that is! However, nothing is more efficient than changing your thoughts and your perception of yourself. Did you know that the only way to be happy in life comes from the internal decision that you create? turning the energy that these urges hold in to something more productive and beneficial to you is doable, something that you won't feel worse and worthless and pathetic for afterwards but rather a happier, healthier and stronger person. Try making those internal changes first and you'll see a difference.

I'm sorry your mum reacted that way, it really was the worst way for someone with si issues to react! Forgive her for those who understand don't intent do hurt or make you feel pathetic - it comes from hurt and worry and confusion and projects out wards the wrong way. But most of all, forgive yourself. You are a strong person for fighting this. Never let yourself or anyone else belittle yourself. Xx

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[User_name]

Thank you so much for your response. It means a lot to me.

How do you begin to go about changing your whole thoughts and perceptions about yourself?! I wouldn't even know where to begin!

[x_BabyG_x]

I had a totally hard time being messed about this year by others. Kept ending up in hospital because of how hurt I was getting. Then I realised that it was either "do or die" so I got some balls and some self esteem and decided to change. I started listening to Justin Clough podcasts, his hypnotherapy, I read a few books, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne was a good place to start, and then it took off from there. I realised that it wast others and external factors that was making me unhappy and hurt, it was me. I was the one that chose how I felt and how I reacted to situations at the end of the day, nothing else (including si urges!) had the power to control me.

Check out my blog if you wish (link in signature) I have a recent blog post called "my top 5 ultimate goals" and there's a deeper description of it all and how i plan to control my thoughts. I hope it helps. Just believe in yourself xxx

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