How do you know if you can be safe

Yeah I have had this happen with a lot of people, and so far though my T hasn't given up on me. I remember recalling this horrible counselor I had and she was mean to me, she called me names and broke confidentiality, and I had just recalled it one night and I was emotional and I call my T and go, "I just wanted to call and say thanks for not ditching me."

I'm so thankful that my Ts have not given up on me yet, and I know they're trying a lot to help me get through this time right now.

l think for me, l will always have these thoughts and images. I think what my T is trying to do, is to get me to separate from them, so they don't "get me". Like a "brain scar", that when l notice it, l can just think, oh yes, there's that scar again, rather than being afraid of it. l can see how that could work, but at the moment when the thoughts are there, they are still too powerful and floor me. l read a lot of book and quotes by Paulo Coelho and that helps me through some of the darkest times. You are not difficult, none of us are, it is just about finding the right person to help us. The ones who have "given up" on you, just don't have the right skills. l tell myself l am not difficult and know it is hard to believe it. Soup

I'm the same way. I hibernate and don't want to talk when I'm in a bad place. And even when I might feel like talking the idea of calling a crisis line makes me fear that they will take control of what I want to do (SI or SUI) away from me. I am seriously thinking of at least calling the next time I want to SI.

This past Saturday, I called the NAMI Warm Line, explained I wanted to cut but was not suicidal. Told them I had taken a normal amount of Xanax and didn't know if I would cut before they kicked in. The person on the other end basically wrote 'Well sounds like you are doing the best you can." and that was it. Not much help!

I've been using the Crisischat daily lately, I'm sure they're sick of me. Some people I get are bad, so I just click out of it and try again later.

For me, I have such a strong will to have control over everything, that even when I feel depressed or sick, I still get up and try to take care of everything. My husband has to tell me to go lay down or take a bath sometimes or else I won't take time for myself.

If I can be safe - then I know it................
If I can **not** be safe - then I do not give a crap.

So, in the end - it just doesn't matter.