[complic8d]

I'm so down. I feel like I need to DO something. I'm sick of just laying aroung, but I have no energy. Of course what I want to do is cut. Feel the blade slicing my skin, see the blood pouring out, maybe pouring all the bad that's in me out. I hate myself so much right now. I'm sick of hearing to hang in there. I'm sick of hearing that we can find something to help. I'm sick of trying, I'm sick of hoping, just to have that hope squelched by the next depression.
I'm venting here in hopes of just letting some of this anger out. It makes me feel like I'm doing something. I hope it's not hurting anyone else.

[Fuzzybear]

Vent all you need to hon....

[complic8d]

thanks

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you feel better today. Depression is sometimes one day at a time until you get medication that can help keep you stable.. I have just went through a medication change for problems, and I hope you can consult your Dr and talk to them about your depression at this time, a medicaiton adjustment may help tremendously, I know it helped me to feel better and more motivated. I hope the best for you also there is a hotline 1-800-273_TALK and 1-800-DONT-CUT that you may call if you need to in order to talk to someone. Take care Soidhonia

[complic8d]

Thanks, Soidhonia. Last month I reduced my prozac (with pdoc) because of hypomania. Now I am increasing it back to what it was. I am also on Geodon, for mood stabilization. If I become hypomanic again, or if the depression doesn't get better, I am to increase the Geodon. I have been on many meds over the years. Maxed out on a lot. I'm "treatment resistant". It just gets so old, the ups and downs. I'm doing ok today (so far!). Thanks for the encouragement and numbers.
Take care!

[complic8d]

My t was very happy that I vented in writing as opposed to cutting. Well, it got me through some more time. I just can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head. My newest one is to "carve" the word "evil" into my skin. I know this is crazy, but it feels like it would help. I just keep obsessing on cutting and when this happens it usually ends up badly, like I have to do it just to make the thoughts stop. Does anyone else have problems with obsessional thinking about cutting? And, how do you get it to go away?

[HALLIEBETH87]

i have experienced the obsessing many times. im not really sure how i actually resist. sometimes i write, sometimes i do watercolor, i go out somewhere, play with my cat or call someone. good luck dear.