I wish I would have seen this about 10 years ago.

I saw this posted somewhere else... and it totally hit home. Thought I would share.

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Cutting....

Before you make the first cut, remember---

you will enjoy this
you will find the blood and pain release addictive.
even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily-
they will get deeper.
they will scar.
they will take sometimes months to heal.
and years for the scars to fade.
if you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body, think again.
it will spread when you run out of skin.
be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
even if you are the most honest person ever to live---
you will find yourself lying to the people you love.
you will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
be prepared to get so out of control, you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting---
cutting and covering up the cutting.
and just wait til that first time you cut "too deep."
and you freak out because the blood won't stop...
and you are gasping...
and you feel yourself shaking all over.
you are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone.
so you sit there alone...
praying it will be ok---
swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
but you will, and further.
don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
and the better you get at treating your cuts, the deeper they get.
you will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go to the pharmacy.
you will feel the flutter of your heartbeat every time you go to the counter to ring up your order.
butterfly strips---
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
betadine...
antibiotic cream...
medical tape...
scar reducers...
and at the same time, secretly hope someone will notice---
someone who understands---
but of course that never happens.
you will start looking at everyone in a different way.
scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
you won't even think about it,
as your eyes scan their wrists, arms.
hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
but they are not.
you will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
you will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes.
wiping the blood off your keyboard.
you won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
anything will be a cutting tool...
scissors... a car key... a needle... a paperclip... even a pen.
doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough, you will find something.
say goodbye to things you once took for granted.
like wearing shorts or sandals... pedicures... sleeveless tops.
a normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
get ready to itch.
because you will itch and itch.
so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
you will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
you will dream about cutting.
you will dream about being exposed.
it will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
you will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting---

at the same time you love it and cannot live without it

Thank you for posting that. I wish I had known that. I wish someone had told me that. I'm so mad at schools because they don't have anything in the health books on self injury. They have drugs and sex and suicidal behavior and mental illness stuff, but not even a paragraph on self injury. They should put that post in the books. If only more people knew what they'd be getting themselves into... but then again, do you think any of them would listen?

Our schools now have a a few days of a psychology class designated to SI. It is good that it is finally getting out in the open. I too wish I would have known ahead of time.

I have read that before too, and it is shocking to read... but it still doesn't stop me ... but perhaps others will heed it...

yeah, I needed to see that years ago. It really is a powerful expression of all the thoughts and feelings involved in SI. Also a good example of how addictive it is.

Ahh I started with red pen and went to skim to cut to SLICE! it is something I look forward to now, I did it today. My arms are nice and sliced especially the right one! Thinking of how I am doing, the people who upset me my Psychologist and Psychiatrist, how I lied on Risperdal and everything I cannot seem to even feel the physical pain.

WOW-that is pretty accurate. thanks for posting that.

Omg,that truly made me crynot only because i cut myself years ago,well about ten on a few ocasions but the reminderof the scars beause i have some pretty bad scars on my left wrist that are still clearly visible and i know people have seen them,but they never question them and pretend they never saw them especialy in the summer as the very hard to hide them and they are clearly visible even my g/f of three years never mentioned them but she reallized my self harm whent from cutting to drinking and taking drugs and eventually she could taake it no more

I dont know why i said three lol i was with her for seven years and i truly regrett our departure but that again was because of my self desrtucvtive behaviour

(((((You guys)))) hugs for all of you~
I'm not a cutter, it' has crossed my mind though, but I never did it, I've done some other destructive things, so even though this post describe especifically cutting, I think it's explaing pretty much a self-destructive behavior.
for the ones who said, "i wish I've read this before"
Well, you didn't but you are doing it now, Not everything is lost here~

Wow that's great. I want to say it IS possible to get over! It takes lots and lots of effort but it can happen, I used to be ashamed to wear sleeveless shirts but I do now. It's part of my past and a part of me, and my mission is to help prevent others from starting and encourage those who have to quit. Even as a previous SIer I STILL look at stranger's arms to see if they shared with me what I once went through. If any of you want to talk please feel free to PM me any time!

i think it's important to say to self-harm doesn't always leave scars...i mainly bruised and did deep scratching or hitting...tho when i did cut or burn, i did excellent damage control, so i have no physical scars and the emotional ones have finally healed. it might sound strange but sometimes i feel like maybe i made it all up, b/c i don't have scars and despite having severe anorexia to the point where i was told i could die, there have been no long-term affects on my body, it is in perfect health now. which may sound great, and it is, but on the other hand, it makes those times seem fake.

i think it is an excellent piece of writing tho, it could be easily adapted to anorexia, drugs, etc as well.