[reesecups]

Last Tuesday, my shrink at group said something that triggered me. I SI'd and my outside therp is not happy because, for the first time I refused to tell them. Everytime I have self-harmed in one way or another I get a very negative message from the shrink. Why aren't you learning coping skills in class? Why aren't you figuring out different ways to deal? I've told him before that I usually can find a way to deal with my triggers but that there are occasions when I act on pure impulse and am incapable of doing anything else.

When he talks to me like that, I like an idiot. Why in the world would I continue to subject myself to that? Especially after he said he thought I was attention seeking. I have NEVER been attention seeking! I've only told my Case Manager about it because my outside therp kerps insisting I need to admit these things.
I think my outside therp is a little unhappy with me because I refuse to let my Case Manager know that I SI'd after speaking to the shrink the last time.

I don't feel like I can quit the program, because my outside therp said I needed more help than once a week individual therapy. I'm afraid of being fired from her if I quit. So I feel 'stuck'.

[mazing]

I'm sorry that your T hasn't been as supportive around your SI as you would like them to be. It sounds like they don't quite understand SI and the motivations behind it.

You are definitely not an idiot You are very right that it isn't always possible, even with other coping mechanisms, to manage the urges. It takes a lot of time and practice to do so and even then there are still sometimes triggers.

Can you talk to your T about how those comments make you feel?

[reesecups]

I did tell my outside psychologist about what he had said that triggered me. She is the only person I've spoken to that helped me understand that it was nit shameful and just a coping mechanism. Even the pdoc I see seems to think that it is somehow my 'not willing to learn' and thinks his negativity helps. When I see him next month (and no, I didn't tell), I'm going to tell him that his negativity is not helping. And as my psychologist said "if you were perfect, you wouldn't be there". Thanks.

[ahdm]

First of all, I'm sorry that this has happened to you.

I've only been in therapy, or counselling as we call it in the UK, for 4 months on and off (7 sessions), so I don't have years and years of knowledge like others do. But I've got to be honest, I think you desperately need a new 'outside' therapist/psychologist if possible.

"he said he thought I was attention seeking."

This is NOT good. He is allowed to ask you, from my understanding, if you think you are attention seeking, but he is NOT allowed to make an outright comment on his opinion of your situation... If that makes any sense

I, too, self-harm, and have been doing so for about a year, and I completely agree with you when you say you act on pure impulse and you wouldn't willingly subject yourself to it. I myself am desperate to stop cutting, because I hate the scars it brings, and the looks people give me when I roll my sleeves up to wash my hands...

Just remember that you are not alone, and there are other people out there who can help you more, you just have to find one that suits you - after all, everybody is different, and everyone needs to find the therapist that works for them, not the therapist with the highest ratings

I hope you can eventually find the strength within to stop self-harming, and I wish you all the best of luck
Mail me if you need to talk, I am always happy to!

[reesecups]

Thank you everyone for your support and information. I have a temporary case manager whomwas going over my goals that my normal case manager set for me. Of course, one was self-harm. I explained that I had an isdue with that because she had threatened me with the hospital if she thought even that I would cut. She then asked me when the last time was that I cut, and I admitted to her it was the Tuesday before last. She got me to admit my shrink had riggered me. I told her I did not want to see him again until my required monthly visit and thst I would discuss. With this with him then.

The norm has always been to mske me see hin immediately upon discovery of the cuts. But they did not push. I know he was made aware of it, but I was not forced to see him. Only had to let nursing see it, which is the norm as well.
I was so relieved about not having to see him, I was able to do okay the rest of the day.

I know I have to face my shrink, but I will do it when I'm at a point I can collect all my thoughts and talk rationally. It seems as though they are going to respect that.

[reesecups]

I've been so stressed since Friday night over what I said to temp Case Manager and wake up every stinkin' morning tearful, anxious and even more depressed than I was. Once my former Case Manager comes back, they are going to tell her what I had said about my lack of trust and that I SI'd. My shrink now knows he triggered me. I don't know what to expect. I go Tuesday and just hope I can manage until then. Dreading it, but I can't unring that bell.

[mazing]

Thinking of you. I really hope that it can be sorted out at your next appointment and that your shrink is understanding. It may have been unintentional and hopefully they will use it as something to think about and change the way they approach it in the future.

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by mazing

Thinking of you. I really hope that it can be sorted out at your next appointment and that your shrink is understanding. It may have been unintentional and hopefully they will use it as something to think about and change the way they approach it in the future.

I hope it will change, but frankly, not holding out much hope. I'm figuring I 'll get stuck proving I didn't cut each day because I'm on 'protocol'. Meaning earlier I had signed an agreement to not self-harm. So I obviously broke the contract and I figure there will be some bad consequences when she returns on Monday. My shrink was not there today and I ended up having a productive day. Hoping I can get through this. Thanks for everyone's support!