[nycgal448]

Idk, maybe it's time to go to a shelter. she keeps calling
me names, like skank, etc.. I dont want family counciling
I just want far away from her. I wish I had the means to
get out, but i dont. I burned yesterday. I dont give a ****,
what anyone says... when she croaks, I WILL BE AT PEACE.
I cannot go foward w her in my life. She will NEVER change,
Suicidal thoughts are racing in my head... but not for her,
I WONT GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION. She is poison in
my life.I am not handing her no money for ****. KISS MY
***. I am in a semi safe place right now. I hope in the
end she gets what she deserves. ALL those yrs of hosp
-italizations, bc of her and other issues. A REAL mom
would never treat their own like this. I need help. I
am swimming in an abyss of HELL.

[nycgal448]

What did I ever do to deserve this??

[nycgal448]

I tried to make some light of a bad situation but no use.
I am sick and she is screwing w me all day... I flipped
the hell out and scratched all over. She hates me and I
despise her.

[smmath]

I am sorry you are living in an unsafe place. You do NOT deserve this though. But you are in the situation you are in and you are surviving, which is the most important thing.

Is there a way to mentally separate and protect yourself from her? Do you have any techniques to make yourself understand what is fact or not? Like, when she calls you a skank, do you believe her and internalize it?

Please PM if you want to talk

[eblam81]

Nycgal448; I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and conflict with your mother. You didn't mention your age but it sounds like your younger and live with her. It also sounds like you SI. I can relate to that pain of scratching and have the scars to prove it. I wish I could reassure you that you are worth more than what you are thinking from what you're saying your mother calls you. You don't deserve to be called those names no matter what. It's quite possible that your mom is putting her own insecurities onto you without her even realizing it. Sometimes parents lash out at their kids because they feel "safe" doing that since they feel their children will always be there for them, regardless. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and your mother will someday have regrets. Have you confronted her? Are there any other people living with you? Stay safe and believe that you are better than that.

[nycgal448]

I am 38, and my autistic child lives w us. She has called me worse names
than skank.. I have tried to confront her, but she will never change. of course,
I believe what she says, she actually called me ugly a couple weeks ago. She
calls me all sorts of lovely names associated w my Bi polar and Bpd. makes
fun of me. she is not human let alone a mom... but my bro.. well, he is not
the loser. she loves him. I SI today. I have cig burns all over my hand. scars.
Today wuz bad, i actually tried... now she wants to be chatty??? I told her
HELL NO!!!! she is losing it. we need out.Thx for feedback and support.

[nycgal448]

I hate myself and my life sooo much.. the dayz are becoming more
unbareable . Sometimes I fantasize about things.. I am pretty obsessive.
I push ppl to their limits, to see how far they will go. .. but w her, I leave
her alone. Never will I be normal, cuz I have no clue if it even exists, but
content to an extent would be nice. I spent last yr away from her, and I
wuz happy. I wuz "me" again, however, therewuz a relapse and hospitalized,
bc I went off meds.. but it wuz me. This is a shell.. I am crazy, I know.