**TRIGGER just too much for me to handle.....

Background... I have depression, suicidal thoughts and am into self harm (cutting). I also have anxiety issues.....

One of my shrinks told me yesterday that I need to start being more social at work. I have no real friends and I FEAR talking to people (even people I know). The casual "hi" as you walk down a work place corridor can freak me out to the point the word can not even come out.... I stare at the floor.

Well, she told me that my homework this week is to walk around more and be more social. I am FREAKING out just thinking about it.

i just want to ****ing die. i can not take all this **** anymore. my brain is just too damaged and besides NOBODY likes me (who actually knows me)......... I know I wont have the balls to "end myself", but I sure as hell can do some nice cutting and reduce some of this bull____ stress.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

first time i ever did my feet. Toes are freaking hard skin. but the tops of your feet are VERY effective...... some blood, some pain - but not too much of either. Kinda ideal in my mind.

Literally did a series of cuts from head (back of skull) to toes. And I feel SOOO much better (sorry for all you anti-cutters out there).

((((( UM )))))

My heart goes out to you. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. All I can do is wish you better days.

I know nothing I say can make you feel better... But I just wanted you to know that I'm always here for you if you ever need me. And... Umm... I wish for you to have stress free days in the near future. Hakuna matata...

Some therapists (!!).........Of course "walking around more and being more social" is freaking you out!! (unless you haven't told her the full story??).
I'd personally say: Now, just do what you can, push but don't stress yourself too much.
Then go back to her at your next appointment and agree with her some clear "goals" e.g. I'll start by trying to extend that "hi" to "hi, how are you?", I'll walk around one/two/three? extra times in the day at.......o'clock (and x o'clock"?). You can even agree a goal (or goals?) for later in the weekas well maybe??. But whatever you feel comfortable in trying, just something/s hey???.
And you know you could maybe have a bit of a go at setting yourself some "goals" now, do you think??
And some coping techniques for if your "homework" is getting stressful?? Please tell me she's arming you with some of these as well??!!
PLEASE don't misread this though, I'm ABSOLUTELY no expert, just want the best for you!! And seriously, make sure you tell her EVERYTHING you're feeling, how difficult things are for you.
Now, HOPING (!!!) you don't feel the urge to cut quite as much???????

Alison

P.S I'm guessing this is going to be very hard to believe (maybe impossible?) but I'm going to say it anyway : The "NOBODY likes me" is really unlikely or maybe because they don't really know you, or even because you haven't got the "right" people in your life right now. It ABSOLUTELY doesn't say that you are unlikable!!!

a T said exactly the same thing to me! Grrrrrrrrr.

Hi WM. So sorry you are hurting. It could be that you are trying to make big steps instead of small ones. Right from the start my T. encouraged me to make baby steps. How glad I was! I think big steps would have actually pushed me backward. Is it possible you are not a good match for your therapist?
And just wondering.....do you have any family that you feel relaxed with, like children, uncle, brother? Who makes you feel like you can be yourself with no pressure?
When we feel pressured (even from ourself) it can be very over whelming. E hugs to you.