Have to....

yesterday my shrink asked to see my cuts. I had to show her some on my upper thigh......

i got the feeling that either she didnt believe that I cut that much or almost as if (after she saw it) 'it isn't that big of a deal'......

now i feel like i HAVE to cut and cut "better".......... I feel like this "inside me" (OCD) and I have no choice but to do this.

I think you need to get a new shrink, they clearly don't understand you personally as they should! Hugs x

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if its in a spot I'm not comfortable showing, I'll take a picture. T's are trained not to react to symptoms. You don't have to do it " better".

If you were looking for her to be shocked, I can understand your disappoinment. But therapist are like Miguel's mom said, trained not to show reactions to things like that. You really don't have out do yourself to impress her. Is she doesn't show you the proper concern with your cutting, then I, too, suggest you find someone more trained in that area. Good luck.

I guess that I should have realized this. I guess I was reading too much into this.........

Good Lord - I a loser

You are not a loser, but one who is struggling for the victory.
I guess the pdoc has seen so much she was not impressed? Or perhaps her training tells her not to react, just observe.
If she did not seem concerned for your wellbeing, then maybe you need a new doc.

I went through the same thing with T except I chose to show her one part (something new I had never done before). She did look, understood what it was/made sense, and then asked why I chose to show her (which I knew she would ask). She said that she thought that I was testing her; to see if she would be repulsed or 'run away', etc. and asked if she had passed the test.

She didn't react (or not in the way I tended) and I got that same feeling as you - that I had to cut "better". And then I did kind of start exploring other things (but I don't know if I just used her as an an excuse to do it or if I really felt like I was doing it to prove that it "is" bad).

I realized quickly that the motive behind my cutting had then turned superficial (simply to impress) and agreed to myself not to show her anymore scars - that way there would be "no one to impress" (no one else knows). And it worked, for me at least.

The idea that Miguel's Mom suggested of T's being trained not to react never crossed my mind either! Not until I just read it and this was months ago! So no - you're not a loser at all! *hugs*

You're not a loser. And you don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. You're a beautiful person, crying out for help. Try to put it into words instead of etching it into your body.

(((((((( UM ))))))))
You're a child of God - not a loser

Darling I'm absolutely DISGUSTED by the reaction of your care worker, for I too have been in that very same situation. I have been made to feel that my cutting wasn't as bad as it could have been, it was made light of. The fact I didn't end up in accident and emergency seemed to indicate my cutting wasn't any risk to life. When this happened I mearly went on to make the cuts even deeper so people would understand just how rock bottom I was feeling. I don't think there's any 'right' or 'wrong', we need to speak out as much as we can, to hopefully indicate to the ''professionals'' in our lives just how low we feel. Take care dear, HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I agree get a different one

~Ashley~

As noted T's are trained not to react to cuts. I've noticed your latest thread and that you are slicing now, Is this related? Think honestly to yourself. Are you cutting deeper just to get a reaction?

The first time I needed stitches I showed my T. She was shocked and took me to the emergency room herself. She stayed with me throughout even though she had other appointments and was seriously worried about how much damage I had done. I had never shown her cuts before and only showed that one as it was bleeding through my jeans. It took a lot of convincing to keep myself out of a locked ward.

My cutting behaviour has never been manipulative nor had I ever showed anyone before that. So I differ from many people on this forum. So if this is not what you want to hear, I apologise in advance. I cant understand what people want on this forum, its becoming obvious that its not honesty...