*TW* First slice.....

I have done tens of thousands of cuts..... most 2-4" and only deep enough to bleed.

I just found a new tool and had my first real "slice".

OMG - night and day.

Go easy on yourself. Make sure you clean up after you're done and if you go too deep get the treatment required

Hi UM I'm really sorry that you've felt this bad or felt the urge this badly. I do know that it's far from easy to walk away from this and cutting gives you something that right now nothing else is. But you know you can/have minimized it, you do have it in you to at least move a little away from it for now. So anything at all you can do to downgrade it, anything!!
And I know it must be almost impossible for you to even consider just stopping right now, but if you can at least let us try to support you towards that (however slowly). And I know you're getting help, so maybe throw a bit more responsibility their way to help you a little more.
But for now, please make sure you're looking after the slice/cut and if you need any medical assistance........and just let us in if there's anything we can say to help you feel better, we/I do really want to!! Whatever we can do if you want to talk..............
That was supposed to be an understanding, supportive "please don't"!!
But here for you regardless.......
Alison

thanks to both of you.... but I am fine.

Hope this was not upsetting to anyone.

James.....

I'm sorry you felt the urges this badly.

You might want to invest in some ointment gauzes, they don't stick to the wound.

Take care of yourself. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

Definitely know how this feels haha. and as I'm sure you know, be careful about the escalation that sometimes happens with a new "toy". As always, make sure to keep them as clean as possible. I suggest investing in some Aloe Vera lotion/gel as it helps the healing process.

I remember my first cut that was deep enough for stitches. Oh the feeling! I crave it now. I worry that I will do it again as soon as I get out of here, even though its been years. The problem is, once you start cutting deeper, you crave that deeper cut every time. You might not notice it as first, but the shallow cuts no longer do it for you. Then you get into nerve and muscle damage territory, which is not good. Maybe get rid of this new tool before you get too addicted to it.

I've read you have a daughter? Was that you? Once you start needing medical treatment for cuts be aware that child protective services can get involved, and that shes not stupid, I bet she'll figure out what you are doing to yourself. You could be unintentionally teaching her this unhealthy and addictive coping strategy.