Uncomfortable situation...

I recently started dating a guy. I really like him which is a huge step for me. Liking guys and getting close to them has been a HUGE issue for me because of a history of sexual abuse. Anyways.. things are going really well. I'm excited and he makes me smile The problem? He doesn't know about the cutting.... and there are more scars than I could ever possibly explain away. Physically..things are getting to the point where he might see scars... and I don't know what to say. I don't want to scare him away. But I refuse to lie to him. How have any of you handled a situation similar to this? how did the react. I'm so scared I might lose something that makes me happy.... I don't want him to think he's the cause of any one of those scars or cuts. If anything... having something positive in my life is helping me slow down.

i have not had experience but have counseled women who cut. i'd be upfront about the scars. explain the disease and if he is a keeper, he'll understand and will talk to you about it. who knows, it might bring you closer. i've seen that happen. good luck, pat

... i agree, i think that if you want a healthy honest relationship with him, that you are going to need to tell him the truth. I don't really think there is a right or wrong way of telling him ... just be honest, and if he is the right guy for you, then he will understand.

(((((((((((bluebythewater))))))))))))))))

((((((bluebythewater)))))))))))

I've never been in that sort of intimate relationship so I don't have any advice to give - but having him find out on his own can be really hurtful and more akward than you being upfront (no matter how difficult that is, and it really is)



I agree with what else has been said though.

I think jacq10 said it the best.... "if you want a healthy honest relationship with him, that you are going to need to tell him the truth. . . just be honest, and if he is the right guy for you, then he will understand."

The truth is the only option for me anyways. I'm just scared. I think he's a great guy..but maybe this is too much for him? It's still such a new relationship..... I just hope it can withstand the first major blow. Ugh.... how I hate having my issues.

I am sorry you are in this position too but if he really does care for you he will be supportive and understanding. You may want to give him a liitle time to take in your situation. It is hard for someone who has never cut to understand what you are going through. Maybe you could get him some information to share with him. If you have a t they too might be able to explain.

I wish you luck. Take care.

I would explain to him you have had some emotional down times but now you are at such a positive time in your life and being with himjust makesyou feel even better. That will not only explain things in a soft truthful understanding matter but make him feel loved and trusted also. Good luck!

I've been upfront with a key few people. So far the telling part hasn't blown anyone away.

Last year I was in a relationship. She new about the cutting. She could feel the cuts (scabs) on my shoulders one night. She turned on the light.

I think she felt my pain, but didn't shame me for what I had done.