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#1
Jan 06, 2007, 08:56 AM
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i can feel myself slipping further down every day now. i cant believe this. i didnt think i'd ever come back to this in my life but just so suddenly its taken over again. i'm slipping and i dont want to move or do anything in case it makes me fall anymore i want someone to come an pick me up an i want someone to come an hold me. and i want them to come and tell me i'm not bad and dirty and wrong ad all these horrible thoughts i cant get out of my mind. more than that i want someone to tell me those things and make me believe it. i think right now its hurting me just as much to have to sit or lay on my hands because i dont think i could stop from pulling, or scratching, or punching myself. i have plenty of things around here that could do worse damage, or maybe better said easier. but i think right now its me who i should be most afraid of.
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 Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#2
Jan 06, 2007, 09:36 AM
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((((((((hugs)))))) the stargazer lily is my favorite flower because it looks up instead of down.
I know this is so hard to beat. I don't have any great words of wisdom as to how to overcome it, unfortunately.  Love, Candy |
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#3
Jan 06, 2007, 10:17 AM
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((((((((((Lily)))))))))))))
You're not any of those things that are in your head. I'm probably the last person that should be saying that (because I can still believe the lies quite readily) but it IS the truth. You ARE a good person. Please PM me if you want to talk - and keep trying to take care of yourself. Much love
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#4
Jan 06, 2007, 10:39 AM
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Dear Star Lily,
I'm sorry you are at a low point. Do you live somewhere where there are gray and wintery looking skies? I love lillies!! They are one of my favorite flowers!!! I think a tendency to self injure comes from trying to rationalize how we were treated as children. Hang on Spring is coming! (((((((((((((((((((((Star Lily Gazer))))))))))))))))))) Please feel free to PM me. EJ |
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#5
Jan 06, 2007, 12:25 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((StargazerLily)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you are feeling so horrible. I too long for what you say for in your post such as someone to hold me and tell me I am all right and a good person. I know it is hard to believe, but that strong kind supportive person is inside each of us but it is connecting that is so hard. In the meantime is there someone you could see that could help you along the way? You know you aren't bad or dirty and I am sorry that you don't see that right now. Please try and be safe. PM me if you need to. Please take care and be safe.
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#6
Jan 06, 2007, 04:50 PM
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TY everybody.
I'm sorry. Don't have time to write out a full response. Just saying thank you for the kind words. Also, in regards to where I live, I'm in Texas, and yesterday it was 80 degrees, so that shouldn't have any effect on my mood. A lot of what I'm thinking this is related to is I just started a new job as a hostess at a restaurant, something I've never done and I'm just stressing I do everything perfect. Grrrrr
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#7
Jan 06, 2007, 05:15 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((stargazerlily))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are hurting so much now, but just know that you are not any of those things you said you feel. And for the part about wanting someone to come and hold you and make things better .... well ... i know what you mean. Take good care Jacq
__________________
The unexamined life is not worth living. -Socrates |
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#8
Jan 07, 2007, 11:42 AM
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i'm so sorry that you're feeling such pain........positive thoughts going out to you.......xoxoxo pat
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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