[hurting__]

I've SI for over eight years now...But in the last few months it's gotten really, really bad. I stopped for a year last year, but now I'm cutting so deep it almost needs stitches and doesn't stop bleeding for ages...(a very big difference to the scratches I used to do). I've even started on my arms, which I never did, and now they're covered in scars and people ask whats wrong with me. I'm really scaring myself. I can't sleep without cutting over a cm deep, and I'm absolutely terrified...I can't tell anyone, the only one who knows is my ex boyfriend. I'm on the waiting list for a psychologist, but I don't know if I can wait that long I'm spiralling out of control and I don't trust myself. I don't want all these scars..because no one loves a girl with scars...but I don't know how else to take the pain away

[ShiningLight]

You are worthy of love! Absolutely!! Scars or no scars, you should be experiencing all the love and support you need right now. If you're not, that's something that's wrong with the world, not you!

I understand how scary this can be. Please be safe and try to find your inner strength. It's in there. Use that strength to love yourself and know that you are doing what you have to do to get by until you can find a way to get by without cutting. Please take care of your self.

[hurting__]

Originally Posted by ShiningLight

You are worthy of love! Absolutely!! Scars or no scars, you should be experiencing all the love and support you need right now. If you're not, that's something that's wrong with the world, not you!

I understand how scary this can be. Please be safe and try to find your inner strength. It's in there. Use that strength to love yourself and know that you are doing what you have to do to get by until you can find a way to get by without cutting. Please take care of your self.

Thank you So much, that means a lot.

[hurting__]

I just can't stop night after night, it's like I'm on a massive SI binge I can't keep doing this to myself

I've kinda ended up in the same position, it's become this habit again which I had moved away from before. When I shower I have opportunity, or I wait for my bf to go to work - he works nights.

[NoddaProbBob]

First of all

I am going to challenge you a little bit to think differently about your cutting.
You have used the word "can't" several times.
You "can't tell anyone" and you "can't stop"

But you can. You can stop cutting, and you can ask for help. You just need the resources and tools to help you do that.

So I encourage you to challenge yourself. Why can't you? Are you physically not able? Or just not willing? There are better ways to cope, I promise. You just need to be willing to try.

If you absolutely don't feel like you can be safe from yourself, then you need to go to an emergency room so that you can get the care you deserve.

Be kind to yourself

[elizabeth1984]

I agree, you are very much worthy of love! I too am a girl with scars, and over 10 years of SI behind me. I found someone who does understand and loves me for who I am, and I am sure you have people who care about you too. Sometimes as hard as it is the best thing you can do is tell someone. Someone who can talk you down and help you find treatment.

If it is as bad as you say, you may need to go to urgent care, or find a clinic where you can be away from your current situation and the things that make you want to cause harm to yourself. Throw all your tools away so that you can't even be tempted. Write your thoughts down in a journal to get out all that emotion that builds inside you.

As hard as it is, you need to tell someone how bad it is for you, so they can help you get the assistance you need. Waiting for a psychologist might not be for the best, especially if you're at a point where it's the worst it's been. You do need to speak with a professional, but the longer the wait is, the more tough it might become.

I went to the hospital after my mom found out about my cuts. They stitched me up but even though the ladies there didn't understand, I conveyed I needed help and was admitted to a youth clinic where I was on watch. Being unable to hurt myself on a strict watch and in an environment with my peers I finally was able to get the help I needed.

I hope that you are okay, and know that you can stop, you are worthy of love and you don't deserve to hurt. Take care, *hugs*