[jacq10]

As some of you may know I ended up at the ER on Tuesday night from an overdose. It was rather impulsive, and I don't even remember making the decision to do it - yet I literally don't remember the past 2 days.

Anyhow, I think the drugs are out of my system now (not seeing double or being off balance any more), but I still feel so drained. I feel like I have nothing at all in myself to give, and I just want to lie and be still forever.

I wasn't even particularly depressed before Tuesday, but I definitely am now. I see T again on Monday, but it really can't come soon enough.

This post really has no point other than to complain ... I'm sorry

No worries Jacq10.

My shoulder is here anytime you need to lean on it.

BEST WISHES to you. Maybe (if you can make yourself do it) - maybe you could go to a comedy club or a light-hearted movie??? I think you NEED to smile.

Originally Posted by jacq10

As some of you may know I ended up at the ER on Tuesday night from an overdose. It was rather impulsive, and I don't even remember making the decision to do it - yet I literally don't remember the past 2 days.

Anyhow, I think the drugs are out of my system now (not seeing double or being off balance any more), but I still feel so drained. I feel like I have nothing at all in myself to give, and I just want to lie and be still forever.

I wasn't even particularly depressed before Tuesday, but I definitely am now. I see T again on Monday, but it really can't come soon enough.

This post really has no point other than to complain ... I'm sorry

Oh yes, I've been there. There are permanent gaps in my memory around these times. I was involuntarily committed to hospital psych wards following both incidents. The last time I was walking around using a walker for at least a couple of weeks afterward. So, based on my experience, I would say that what you are experiencing now is to be expected. It will pass. The loss of memory may not. My best wishes to you, Jacq!

[Abby]

I'm going to assume you feel that way both physically and emotionally!

Did the pdr offer you the hope that she can work with you to get things more stable so you are able to start the other thing (it was a bunch of letters in your other post) when you are more ready?

I'm sorry you feel emotionally drained, it perhaps isn't a surprise since this seems to be the first day when you are well enough to realise the impact of what happened and all that means. Self harm is a temporary fix, so it is understandable you still feel upset emotionally or realise how upset you've been now that the shock and action of getting treatment has worn off a little.

Be kind to yourself, if you want to lie around and take some time to whallow in it, I think that's okay, you haven't allowed yourself to do that - if anything you've pushed impulsively and reactively these feelings away by OD'ing.

I'm by no means saying its fun or easy or will make you feel better to whallow. Just that sometimes it is okay to allow yourself to feel without having to change it. But I get how much we want the pain to be relieved for a second, that's why we self harm sometimes, it makes sense because the pain is awful. My head changes when I'm too overwhelmed, I think it might be about finding a balance between accepting we have an illness so are naturally going to have periods of deep emotional pain, and having hope and techniques to get through those times more successfully....I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that, for me, my bad times can't be fixed but I need a lot more hope they matter, and it isn't purely survival....sorry talking too much about me...no one wants to hurt themselves, I wonder if you know why you do and if there are any longer term support. I guess your therapist will be helping you with that...

Take care of yourself.

[jacq10]

As always, thanks ((((Abby)))) for your thoughtful response.

My pdoc actually said she wasn't sure that we should do the ISTDP (intensive short-term dynamic therapy) as it's better to do that when you're not so vulnerable (because I guess it's intense!). But we kept our scheduled appts for it, so I'm hoping that in a month - when we're suppose to start that - I will be feeling better so we can do it.

I bought an acceptance and commitment workbook today so I'm hoping to work through a bit of that to help with the ongoing depression and major anxiety I've been having over the last couple of days.


Thanks again