[SparkyCat]

I'm not moving from this spot. If this is the only control I have left, it's not moving. If I get up I lose control...I'll OD, I'll cut, I'll end up back in hospital or worse. I'm just not moving. I can't cope or deal with this, I'm at the point where going back to cutting would be considered an improvement on the ODs, on the hospital visits...

I'm just going to sit here in the dark and pull all my hair out because it's all I deserve, I never get anything right and I've just lost control.

[jacq10]

(((((((((Sparky)))))))

I'm sorry you're in so much pain at the moment. Talk to us. What's going on?

Can you listen to a guided meditation or some sort of visualization to help you try and move away from how you're feeling?

Please try and stay safe. You can do this.

[SparkyCat]

I just can't do it. I'm not even scared of it anymore, I don't feel regret for the ODs, for the cuts. I only feel regret for it not having the effect of getting me out of being on my own. Getting me more help. I just want help staying safe because I've just lost control. I can't do it. My head never stops. Round and round and round and round. I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try.

[jacq10]

Try to find something to distract yourself. Watch a show, listen to music, ANYTHING. And you CAN do it. Writing a post on here was the first step in reaching out and asking for help. Control is not lost, you are demonstrating it right now. You have demonstrated control by not hurting yourself for the last [insert] time. Each second or minute that passes without you doing anything to hurt yourself is an act of control.

Of course, if you truly feel like you can't fight these feelings, then please try and get yourself to a hospital or somewhere safe. No body can deal with such intense feelings without some sort of support... it doesn't make you weak. It shows your strength.

[waiting4]

Sparky, hang in there darlin. We all care...we're all here for you.

I love your nic...very clever. How did you come up with it? Mine is so dull in comparison.

I know all seems lost sometimes but what jacq said is true...you reached out to us and that's a step. All we can do is step forward, when backward feels like falling, so I appreciate you stepped forward.

I'm not there, but were I there, I would take both of your hands in mine and just hold them....talk both of us off the ledge.....everyone here is willing to go out, to get you and bring you back, but as you know....it's the bringing back that gets tricky. Still, I'm confident we can do it. Together.

Would you tell me how you made your nic? Mine is so dull.

[SparkyCat]

I'm sat working on a project on mine, something that really requires thought, really gets me thinking about it. Makes me feel perhaps like I'm not wasting everything but I am, I so am. I've been discharged from hospital while even worse than this, so not an awful lot of hope that they'll be non-awful, I'll only go to hospital if I know I have medical need. Spoken to the crisis team which calmed me down a little.

I came up with the nick when I was playing pokemon of all things - I got the pokemon that I have as my avatar, and it looks like a cat, and it's an electric type, so I came up with the name for that and thought it'd be quite a neutral name to have on here.

[Idiot17]

((((sparky))))

[SparkyCat]

Refusing to move again. Feel like I'm being pushed away by all my friends because they can't cope with me. Just want to be able to live but I can't see any way through...only pain and misery.

[Idiot17]

Oh I can definitely relate.... ((((((sparky))))))
Hang in.