[sinking]

How and at what point do you tell someone you're dating about your SH?
Obviously not at the first appointment, but when? and how?

They are going to see it sooner or later. they will reject you for that. is there a way to make it easier? to help them accept it?

Its summer, its hot. excuses for wearing long sleeves wont last long.

what is the best way to go about it?

i honestly would not date someone who self harms. how can i expect someone to date me then? are self harmers meant to be alone? how can you have a relationship? or hope to have one?

keeping it secret and lying wont work forever. so how do you do it?

i will appreciate any input. thanks.

[kaliope]

I wouldn't personally volunteer that information unless they saw the scars and asked. then I would share that life has been difficult for me and I use si as a coping mechanism to deal with it. and if they want to understand more about it I will be happy to share that with them.

[sinking]

I guess i was worried about them being shocked at the sight of the scars. and that the shock could make them have a worse reaction. so i thought it could help to warn them before.

but do you think instead that its better to behave as if the scars werent there at all?

[celtic.starlite]

If you have a T, you can ask your T for suggestions or maybe your partner could go to a session with you and your T could help you talk to your partner about it? Just a thought.

[Victoria'smom]

With my husband I told him before we had sex.

[Secretum]

I have very strong feelings for a boy who is also bipolar, and has a long and dark history of SH. Knowing that he used to cut himself does not diminish my attraction to him in any way; if anything, it strengthens it, because I know that he is an incredible person for going through so much pain and surviving.

I've SI'd sporadically. I don't have any obvious scars. But if I did and someone I was dating had a problem with it, then they weren't really someone I ought to be interested in anyway.

[sinking]

Well, i am single right now and only at first appointments with a couple of guys.

i can manage to meet them at night when its not so hot and i can wear long sleeves but they will want to meet during the day too, or go to the beach together, so what do i do then?

[Clementine10th]

I suppose all I can say is that once these people get to know you, you should know if they are the right kind of people to be telling about it.
Some people may surprise you if you explain it to them and be really OK with it. Others may not. In the end, the ones worth anything won't mind.

[Tangerine87]

I would lie and make up some excuse if they saw it because people are quick to judge (and run)

[sinking]

Thank you for your responses.

so i guess there isnt any general rule on how to go about this since every person is different and will take it differently.

i was wondering if it was best for them to find it out sooner or later and how, but in the end if they dont accept it, they wont accept it whether they found it out at the beginning or later or in whichever way they would come to know, so not much difference as for the timing or mode really. right?

i guess i'll let the instinct and the situation choose for me.

if you have some experiences you feel like sharing i'll be glad to hear them.
anyway, thank you for listening.

[Flummixed]

Honesty will expose what kind of person you're dating is. If they see your scars and run because of that then they're not right for you really. Besides covering it up will only work for so long and then the truth might be more painful for them.

Tell the person on your wedding night. AFTER they say I DO