[tealBumblebee]

Trigger warning for: self harm content.

Went to group tonight and someone mentioned meeting a person that self harmed. I'm relatively new to the group and (to my knowledge) the only person who regularly self harms (though, it's not really regular these days ).

Anyways, the topic of self harm came up and there was just this general atmosphere of "". I heard:

"Why did she do that?"
"Eww, how can someone do that?"
"Did you ask her why?"
"I could never hurt myself..."
"Oh my gosh, burns?"
"Why do people cut and burn them self?"
"It releases anxiety and stuff!"
"What kind of stuff?"
"Why would you have to cut to do that?"
"I tried once, but it hurt."
"Cutting/burning yourself is a sign to stay away."

I just felt so triggered, and honestly angry and it seemed to go on forever. The group leader asked me later if I was upset by it, and I told her I was. She asked if I wanted to discuss it but I just didn't. I went to the bathroom and did some breathing exercises that T taught me and I really was okay - but I just don't get it. I mean, I understand not having a desire to self harm and even being misinformed on the purpose of doing it. But I don't understand how people can be so judgmental (in tone at least) about it. Like, it honestly made me so angry and defensive. I wanted to be like "IT'S NONE OF YOUR EFFIN BUSINESS WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER BODY" but - the girl chose to show her scars and most importantly her story is not my story - i'm not the face of self harm. Regardless, group sessions are supposed to be a safe place to go to get away from the stigma of mental health. Yes, people are entitled to their own opinions but where is there left to turn when your safe place is no longer safe because you feel the same stigma from your support system?

[~Christina]

I have self harmed for years, so I get it ..

There is still stigma for having a mental illness .. yet some with mental illness pass the stigma they dont want towards them onto someone elses struggles.

If someone has never self harmed they are never going to understand why anyone would.. I just wish people would not talk that way around others and certainly not a support group when there is a variety of people there.

I cant seem to type out how this makes me feel or what I really want to say But just know that I understand 100% and agree with your frustration. Im glad you were able to use coping skills to slow things down for you to handle this ignorance.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I have self harmed for years, so I get it ..

There is still stigma for having a mental illness .. yet some with mental illness pass the stigma they dont want towards them onto someone elses struggles.

If someone has never self harmed they are never going to understand why anyone would.. I just wish people would not talk that way around others and certainly not a support group when there is a variety of people there.

I cant seem to type out how this makes me feel or what I really want to say But just know that I understand 100% and agree with your frustration. Im glad you were able to use coping skills to slow things down for you to handle this ignorance.

Thank you for getting it. T's told me that there are people out there who have never had a suicidal thought in their life. Nothing close to it, ever. I found that so hard to fathom that one could live a life without ever having even one 'round about' thought of it. But like they can't understand that, I get what you mean that if they've never experienced self harm they won't get it. I guess I just have to get that. Thanks for being able to relate; I really didn't know how to feel like I was in a cohesive and supportive group in that moment.

I never really imagined a mental health group would be so judgemental and downright ignorant. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Stigma is alive and well....

[Yoda]

I have self harmed numerous times as a teenager and twice as an adult but I will admit that I still don't 'get it' and I'm thinking maybe why someone self harms is different for different people.

For example, when I was self harming I hid it. Of course we didn't have internet then so maybe if I had found others who self harmed I would have might have shared but maybe not.

I've known some people who self harmed who seemed to feed off each other's... what would the word be... dysfunction? Could you call self harm a dysfunction?

Anyway I have been inpatient close to a dozen times and was in intensive outpatient at two different facilities. In one of the outpatient groups were three girls that seemed to encourage each other to self harm, something I had not seen anywhere else. One of the girls was being discharged from the program because she was progressing so well. Or so the therapists thought. The last few days before her final day in the program I could see she was more anxious and didn't want to leave the program. I think she needed more support than she was going to get without the program. After her final day at the program she self injured again at home by shoving a needle under the skin in her wrist/hand. She called her T and told her and they told her to come back to the outpatient session the next day. So the next day she was to be placed inpatient after our session. Throughout the session she wore the needle like a badge of honor, talking about it and drawing attention to herself. She came up to me during break and showed it to me and said, do you want to see and totally caught me off guard and I was repulsed and said, no, I don't want to see. I know the reason for that self harm was because she wanted help but not everyone is the same. I wasn't self harming to cry out for help; mine was hidden.

I don't understand self harm. I really don't. Please don't be mad at me for my naivete. It seems to me that people vary in why they self harm and how much they share about it. PC is the first place I have been where people actually seem to support each other which is different than what I saw in the IOP group.

But despite not understanding I would NEVER say some of those things that were said in your group session. I lack understanding but I don't lack compassion.

[tealBumblebee]

Calista+12, I never really imagined a mental health group would be so judgemental and downright ignorant. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Stigma is alive and well....

Yeah, same here. I mean, I thought it was weird that I was the only person who was a self harmer in a physical way, in the first place. Kind of makes me feel more isolated.

Yoda, I can appreciate your compassion; and I would expect that others who want them to have compassion on their situation would be the same. And they joked about feeling sorry for the girl and they made her seem so pathetic and I was just boiling inside. I felt like my heartbeat was coming out of my chest.

Addressing your response: I'm not really sure why people self harm; I can't speak for everyone. Most times I self harm out of frustration (i.e. I cut myself to avoid stabbing someone else). I also know that i've done it for control purposes (2nd most common reason), a few times out of boredom, and then (when I started in the beginning) because I felt so empty and dead and needed to just be able to feel something (and that feeling is not always achieved).

I don't want help; and i'm not crying out for it. T's asked me if I wanted to stop and I told her no. She accepted that answer and has never pressured me to feel any other way.

The story of the girl was interesting and well, I honestly can not fully understand her story either. I do get some parts of it, more than I care to relay in this message, but I can see why it would be especially a turn off to people who do not self harm. My scars are hidden, though I'm trying to become less shameful of them because they are a part of me and I shouldn't have to consider every position I sit in, or every way I place my leg/wrist just to appease other people. With the exception of two people and T, no one else knows about it and i've been back doing it for over a year.

All in all, I think its very much okay not to understand self harm - but I don't understand (and maybe that's something I need to work on) how people who struggle one way can't empathize with people who struggle in another. It seems that in no one cares to respect anyone else on a basic human level anymore.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Wow, I'm surprised too that a support group would be so shocked by this. I thought it was a fairly common thing. Sorry you had to be subjected to that -- so not fun. I was shamed for it too as a teenager as my friends just didn't get it at all. Of course, they didn't really even "get" being depressed, either. But geez I would think a mental health group would be more familiar with it. Hugs!! It sounds like you handled it well and were able to calm yourself down.

[Yoda]

I think you said it well, tealBumblebee, when you said no one respects others anymore. What was lacking in your group was plain and simple respect.

[RogueWolf]

Some could be in denial of thier own issues and not realise they are as ill as they are- like they think people who self harm are "worse" than they are cos it's a way of seeing themselves as less "messed up". Also some could be lying to hide thier own self harm, or yeh just ignorant- maybe the person running the group should mention other forms of self harm that the other people probably do that they don't realise is self harm- drinking to excess, drug use, fighting with people, over eating, isolating themselves, gambling too much etc. I find I am generally one of the "most messed up" people in groups I go to, like most people had a good home life or good friends or whatever whereas I happen to have had a big range of issues including self harm so I get why you would feel bad about it. What I mean is they tend just have one instance of abuse or just mental illness or one incident yet I have had a lot. Most people take that as competing when I say that so please don't it's just facts lol.