dang

i haven't si'd in so long, and i haven't cut in almost a year (i was never much of a cutter anyway, but i won't go into my methods of harm)...but today, this morning, i cut...i had never been able to draw much blood in the past, but i did this morning...i got a fresh razor, pressed it in and drove in across my arm. it bleed quite a bit, but i kinda wanted it to. i have not have any depressive symptoms etc in ages and have been out of therapy since november and thought i was doing just fine. but my track coach got angry at me yesterday morning at training and he basically told me i had screwed up a race i had thought i did really well in.

so anyway i couldn't stop crying about it, and i was sick of crying...i should have gone on here, or rung sumtime to talk about how upset i was or written in my journal, but i didn't, i wanted to prove i could look after myself. so to do what i cut and then treated it, as sum warped way of taking care of myself...not good, maybe i should see my old T for a bit of a booster...

((((((((((zombiette))))))))))

You should probably go talk to your T. I know that feeling though. The caring for yourself after the fact. You arn't alone.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))