trying. . .

i've been struggling to behave for six months now. i didn't throw out my box cutters, i hid them in various locations throughout my home. and i visit them occasionally, but have kept the relationship strictly platonic. i'm having a bad week and right now my nails aren't doing it for me. i'm cheating. i grew my nails long and sharp and lately i've been using them to scratch the crap out of myself. i've been doing the happy normal sunshine thing for five hours here and i'm losing my fricking mind. what i'd like to do is cut and watch the blood run down my arm. i'm a head case. i'm aware of this fact. i sort of care about how many people know that because i don't want to lose my kids. i don't want to be a medicated zombie either. i'm in purgatory, on the border of hell. i'm f'in miserable.

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain that you need to use SI to cope. It can be such an alluring coping mechanism. Do you have a therapist or someone that can help you replace SI with a better coping skill? Please try and be safe. Take care.

((( lost )))

Here is a link. If the sunshiney thing isn't working for you, they have some alternatives that might suit you better.

http://www.selfinjury.org/docs/selfhelp.html

lostmy...
it`s great you are trying not to!
the broblem is, however that sometimes somehting LIKE SI makes us want it more.

what about training?
do some physical acxercise that whould demand all your strangth. and then also your muscles may hurt.....
it`s a healthier way of "SI" but of cours eodn`t over do it,
i just know from my experiance that pysical excercies imrove you mood.

most important is...YOU MAY BE ON YOUR WAY OUT!
DONT GIVE UP don`t do it again!
i know it`s hard.
" life is hard. we have to be harder"
(james frey" million little peaces")