Falling

Recap: repressed memory comes back, test tomorrow, depression worse, and quit a job. Shame high...

Messed up again. who can blame me, with all that crap going on. which has led to not wanting to do much of anything. I know I'm falling fast, and it's hard to stop. I know I can stop myself, but I'm not sure I want to, which freaks me out a little.

Hello puzzclar: There is something highly attractive about free-falling. It takes no energy & it can actually be quite a pleasant sensation... at least until you hit the ground. I know I frequently feel this way. It's so... well... "comforting" to simply feel myself gliding down into that dark & familiar place.

I know that I can stop myself too. Or at least I believe I can most of the time. Although sometimes I wonder if this is like the smoker or the drug addict who tells him or herself: "I can quit whenever I want." The problem is, every time one takes that dive, there is the urge to wait just a little bit longer before putting on the brakes. At some point, the person may wait just a little bit too long and then... Please just don't wait too long...

I know the feeling of falling.... It's not that much fun.
I've always felt that I couldn't stop myself till I did. And then I realized how easy it was for me to stop, but the problem was I didn't want to stop. I can't offer you any real advice, but I just wanted to say, don't be freaked out. A lot of us know this feeling, just remember we are all here for you.

Stay strong. The feeling of falling will dissapate. Don't feel shamed that you have a disease.

I got upset at how my sister reacts and treats me. She treats me like I'm 5 and can't do anything right. It's not a good environment to live in and last night was over the top. I... couldn't sleep because I was wanting to do something. I thought about leaving... the apartment or rather anywhere. I think of how she feels often... but it's not returned. I wish the contract was up sooner so I could leave. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on to before blowing up and storming out. (Anger was never really an issue until my sister took on some qualities that tick me off and remind me of her abusive ex.) Today, I'm not sure I want to even hang on. Just want.....