[katheryn]

today the school phoned us to talk about our youngest daughter, apparantly she has been self harming herself, daughter does not know we have been told, she is a very outgoing girl, and will be 14 in sep this spate of self harming wasnt any thing more than scratches, woman that phoned said her job is to counsel the pupils if they have a problem, and will be seeing daughter once a week for time being to keep an eye on her.

while on the phone i gave this woman brief a brief histroy whats been going on around daughter and explained hubbys and my mental heath problems tha have been happing over the last couple of years and explained that she is youngest of four children two with problems,
the advice i want is what do we do now as parents

[froggie2]

I can't tell you anything but want you to know that I am praying for you all. You have a lot on your plate.

[littlemissjess]

Aw. At that age, 14. I'm guessing 7th or 8th grade about? That's my age when I first SI'd. That's a huge emotional stage in teen's life. Well, for me it was. Everything was changing, I was going to highschool, things with boyfriends (does she have one, or into that 'liking boys' stage yet?) I wouldn't confront your daughter about it yet (unless the school said they would tell her) I was DEAD afraid if my parents knew. But they found out the summer after 8th grade going to 9th grade when I fessed up to my mother. I'm in 10th grade (16) now, haven't SI-d since about October and then it was only one cut.

But just talk to your daughter. Don't push her into telling you or pressure her. When she's ready to talk alot, she'll come out, trust me that's howalot of my friends and I were. But just ask her little questions if you already don't like "How was your day?" But I'm not saying don't worry about it because it can become serious. In 8th grade my best friend was about to commit suicide so she went to a local hospital-learning facility. Just keep an eye out for her, pay attention alot to her mood towards things.

Has your daughter gave up on things? How are her grades? Is her mood changing off and on often? Just keep an eye on those kinds of things.

If you need anything feel free to PM me anytime. I was in your daughter's position, and I've delt with my best friend's issues also, so I'll be here if you need anything!

Love,
Jessica

[katheryn]

thanks for the reply, she started secondery school year seven sep 2005, will finish school in 2009 at the age of 16 and a bit school is good, allways been into boys for ages, she is in year 8 now, like i said in post we have had a rough couple of years but shes smart there isnt any chance of hiding things from her,
her moods are up and down a lot at the moment, she has no friends here where we live, she talks to most of her m8ts on msn and her best friend stays once a fortnight

[littlemissjess]

question-- how many years of school do children need to take in the UK? i graduate grade 12 in 2009. maybe she's having trouble with a boy she likes (that was always my problem and was one of my friends also), maybe lack of friends also? that's my problem now, i lost alot of friends except that one so i'm upset right now too but if you need anything else, you can talk to me!

[InACorner]

Her counciler knows, which means your daughter probably told her something otherwise as alot of SIers know....that is very big......remember the counciler cant just guess..there are too many students to just go searching through so that is why i am pretty sure your daughter has admitted something....What i am worried about is the steps now going to be taken. This was the number one mistake my parents did after i told my counciler...granted they were abusers...and um definitly not as nice as you are to your children but please dont let fear overwhelm you. My parents ended up talking to the counciler...then they ganged up on me....and in the end everyonne sall it as my fault and wanting attention....i am not really intelligent enough to give you advice in this however i can tell you what not to do if youll take that....i wouldnt repeat over and over agin that it is your fault....it cornered me and got me angry because i knew partially it was true...and that they really didnt mean it....also they got sick of me....and eventually told me everytime we fought...to "Just go cut yourself" now i know youd never do that im just saying please be careful that anger leds to places we definitly dont want to go
Id suggest maybe the counciler should talk to your daughter still however you and your daughter should seperate from that and work on it through your own systems, just sit down with her and let her talk....tell her your here for her...and maybe suggest you could take her to counciling...remember im going on my own experiences.....so what was there for me isnt exactly what will happen for you....and you might meet with some resistance at first but keep telling her you love her and if you suspect she is going to do it volunteer to take her to movie...or for ice cream...something that will take her mind off it...i know im not much help but id really like to be of some help...and i probably confused you..but its bringing so many memories back for me but i really wanted to respond ...so i hope i helped...even if it was a tiny bit. good luck and let us know how it goes
love, Inny

[katheryn]

after leaving school at 16 they can go work or go to collage leagel age is 5 - 16 but daughter is a sep baby so she wil be nearly 17, she has lots of friends at school very popular and boys change around quickly
sorry you are upset at tjhe moment thank you for you time and help

[jacq10]

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter Katheryn ... and as i am not a parent myself (although do deal with self harm) all i can suggest is just being there for her. Let her know that you can and want to help, but also give her space and give her the choice whether or not she wants to talk about it. Unfortunately i dont think that there is much that anyone can ever really do for anyone else about it, ultimately it is their choice, and you just need to provide her with the right resources - as you are already doing.

((((((hugs))))

[selfy]

as parents try not to force her to stop, thatll just make her hate you. try to ask her y she does it and if you can help, tell her that you will always be there to support her and dont rush her to stopas she may not be ready.try not to give the subject too much attention as itwill %#@&#! her off and may make her feel uncomfortable... mind u im going on my own experiences
good luck

p.s. she get to see her every week?! lucky better than me!
heheh.

[littlemissjess]

yes, just be there for her. but don't pressure her. for me I was under so much pressure with everything else, the lease thing I needed was my mother on my case about everything I do, or people I talk to. just don't pressure her.

[Rapunzel]

There is lots of advice online, and there are books you can read, if you want to try to understand what might be going on. Here's one good source:
http://www.siari.co.uk/Family_and_fr...supporters.htm

Just remember, everyone is different and your daughter is the only expert on what she is dealing with, how she feels about it, etc. In fact, the two best pieces of advice I can think of are (1) really listen to her and accept her feelings that they are how she feels and validate that you understand that they are her feelings, even if you feel hurt that she feels that way; and (2) don't concentrate on the self-injury - it is only a symptom of the emotional distress she doesn't have the resources to deal with otherwise.

Thanks for being a concerned, caring parent, and for looking for help to help your daughter.

Rap

[sujunew]

Katheryn, thank you for being such a wonderful mum and really caring about your daughter. That is one thing I lacked in my life growing up- any sort of relationship with my mother other than to fight and argue with her. She only found out that I SI when I was 25/26, and even now I never EVER talk to her about it even though our relationship is far better than it was growing up. As long as you have a strong, open relationship with your daughter she will hopefully come to you when she feels ready. As has been noted already, the SI is a symptom of the emotional stress she is experiencing and I am sure her counsellor will be encouraging her to talk with you every time they meet. My T asked recently how I would feel if my daughter came to me to tell me that she was going thru the issues I am at the moment- I was so distressed at the thought of even the possibility of that ever happening but it made me realise that I need to maintain an open loving unconditional relationship with her always so that she CAN come to me at any time with ANYTHING.
((((((((((katheryn))))))))))
You will need heaps of support too while facing these issues; take care and I hope things work out ok for you, your family and especially your daughter.

[littlemissjess]

Some things come and go, for me SI-ing was a huge thing at that age for me, and started to fade. I'm not saying people can easily get over it, but it's possible. Just be there for your daughter. Just don't pressure. Being someone that SI themself, and being confronted or having sertain people know you did is a really weird and awkward feeling. It takes time though. Just try your best to watch out of some warning signs. Keep in touch and good luck, let me know how everything goes.

[katheryn]

(((((((((((littlemissjess))))))))))))))
((((((((((irishsj)))))))))))
(((((((((((((rapunzel))))))))))))))
(((((((((((froggie2))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((inacorner))))))))))))))
((((((((((selfharmer))))))))))))))
thank you all for your advice, i will try and keep you all updated as this goes on

[littlemissjess]

<33333

[Christina86]

((((((((Katheryn, daughter and family)))))))))))))

Can't say I have any advice, but I'm glad your daughter has such wonderful and understanding parents.