excruciating :(

it's so hard not to. i just want that white-hot searing blinding raw pain that distracts me from everything.

i feel as though i am losing myself.

i hate it. i hate being like this.

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. Are there any coping techniques that you could use to help you kind of "wait out" the urges? Some suggestions off the top of my head would be, getting out of the house and talking to a friend, having a delicious treat, doing some sort of art or craft project, cleaning/reorganizing, binging on hulu/netflix, going for a nice walk, having a cup of tea to calm yourself, sleeping. I'm not saying any of these are guaranteed to work, but perhaps they could be a way to try to counter the self harm distractions that are disturbing you right now? *hugs*

i might try the netflix suggestion and a cup of tea. thanks for the idea. i'm trying to keep myself safe and i have a few coping skills but they all seem to drain out of my head when i'm feeling bad.

You're welcome and I completely understand. I'm not sure if you have any Yogi tea, but their Kava stress relief tea is pretty effective. Regardless of the outcome, i'm proud of you for working towards keeping yourself safe! Keep up the good work; I know how strong those urges can get! *hugs*

You have dignity and worth as a human being, harming yourself will not take the pain away I do not believe, I believe you should seek professional help or seeking medical attention for your thoughts. You have gone this far to be on this website but going one step more I believe will help you see your worth as a human being. One positive thought a day would help you better yourself.

^ thank you. I do see a therapist and am on meds and have a care-co-ordinator and psychiatrist, but I struggle a lot in between sessions.

Hi 8888an8888,
Hey, you'll still be you, you'll still be a great person whatever. You're still there underneath all of this. And it definitely shows as well in your strength through everything
But the urges, they can be so overwhelming, right??
Distraction is a good idea.........maybe you could schedule in things that are going to keep you occupied regardless of how you're feeling to try to "head off" those urges coming as much??
And the coping skills that drain away when you're feeling bad..........do you think there's any way you could spot any subtler signs that say you're "slipping" and get in with those coping skills a bit sooner. I know sometimes everything can just take over you.......but just a thought.
Still, you have some coping skills which is a great start.........and maybe a basis to work on some more??
And perhaps write a list of things (and thoughts??!!) that help just a little when things get hard, because it can be so hard to remember some of those things sometimes, when all you really want to do is..........and then maybe try to force yourself to really attend to some of those things on your list if you need to???
Again, none of that's guarenteed to work of course.........but just remember you're still you, there's a lot more to you than the urges, than...........so you make sure you still value those parts, because we value you regardless!!!

Alison