[secretgalaxy]

I have tried everything to fight these urges for three days, but they are just getting worse and worse. I've bathe all my dogs, cleaned the bird cage, vacuumed, dusted, went shopping, hung out with friends, exercised, read a book, watched TV, did the laundry, researched about a new topic, and played the piano. This was all in hopes that the urges would disappear, but it's feels like the more I delay, the more pressure builds up in the bottle. And everytime I do something to distract me, it causes the bottle to shake. I'm scared to SI now because I may do it rather seriously, but if I don't, the bottle may explode and then that would be much, much worse.

I'm really trying.... Why are the urges not going away?

If I were to call my T in your situation she'd advise me to call my parents and share with them. Is this an option for you? Maybe they can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't do anything dangerous.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

[ThisWayOut]

can you call your T and get some support? maybe accountability would help at this point? or just hearing her talk?
I've gone through periods like this, where nothing seemed to work. When I did end up self-harming after so long of a build-up without relief, it always ended up being more out-of-control than I felt comfortable with. Would going for a walk or run help? could you take the dogs for a hike? Maybe call T and then take the dogs out?
Also, as breadfish mentioned, could you reach out to your parents? Maybe they could help with accountability? I know it can be difficult to give up that sense of freedom in the momet, but maybe it would be helpful? Maybe one or both could join you on a walk?
I know it can be hard and frustrating. I hope you are able to find some relief from the urges and still stay safe.

[secretgalaxy]

Thanks guys for the advice, it really means a lot to me.

I don't really have contact with my T out of sessions, so I can't contact her. She did tell me about the crisis line at the place she works but I will not talk to a stranger, plus I believe that the person who does it is a guy, and that is a double whammy.

Everyone in my house has left so I am all alone. I have relapsed some, but they are minor scratches. The urges haven't gone away, and now I am alone, so they have gotten increasingly worse.

Where I live it is too hot for me to go out, as I have a heart condition... so no walking the dogs. BUT I did get to watch them roughhouse and play with each other in the house, and watched a good movie I liked.

I did make my bird some mash (a mix of fruit, seeds, veggies, all mashed together) and watched him get so thrilled and now he is a mess :P I am trying but I don't think I can fight it. Tomorrow, I have an assessment for the PHP my T wants me to go to. I didn't want to have cuts on my arm, but at the same time, I don't give a **** anymore.