trance? Possible trigger

I live with DID (Multiple personalities) and we all have ways we act out. One of them cuts.
But... every now and then.... there comes a pull, a draw to cut that is.... seemingly ancient, if that makes sense. It has no emotion, no fear, no anxiety, no sense of "what i'm doing is wrong". It feels just old... as old as time.

I'm wondering if anyone else ever feels that? It's really hard for me to fight it off. and I'm usually in trance when it happens, or am quickly pulled in to trance.

This came up this week. Thankfully, when I picked up the phone, my friend answered and talked me back to a more academic discussion.

well, looking at your signature line with childlike empress and such, i think it is semi safe to say what i am going to say, going outside the box here. thinking you may believe in past lives and such???? that there is this ancient part of you that still remembers, from long ago when you were once a ceremonial priest/preistess and preformed such rituals. the cellular memory still may exist for you in one of your alters. make sense?

woah! nailed that on the head! that's exactly what it feels like.
I'm in an online DID program that said this last week "You will never heal until you stop engaging in unsafe behaviors". I felt my head drop in shame. And then this week, this came up - and there's no shame in the feelings there. Only confusion on 'what do I do with this piece?'